Questions

It's a rare occasion that I'm at a lost for words. Normally, I'm a man who can both vocalize and display my emotions. I might not be able to do it in a way that's either safe or safe for my well being, but I can display them. They help me to talk to the person that I need to convey them to. But it's always an exception to most rules and this is no different. My 1 exception, a woman, I can talk to her about most things, but it honestly seems as though as of late, my emotions are not getting through to her. I could also say the same for her simply for the case that we haven't been around each other in a year +, so that would naturally have a disruption in our connection. But it seems as though with the reuniting of 2 hearts, there's a lot of friction and a lot of clashing still happening. I have no problem admitting that it mostly comes from my end. There's still some hurt and there's still some sadness left. After all the time that has lapsed from the time you left until the day you came back, I thought I would be ready to say everything that I thought I would have said if I got the opportunity. If there's anything I've learned, once the moment comes that you've been waiting on for so long and what you thought you were gonna say before the moment arrived, you FORGET ALL THAT SHIT once the moment happens. I've been trying to vocalize what exactly I wanted to say about how this has affected me and what I've been thinking in my head, but honestly they all turned into arguments, either because you didn't wanna hear it because you thought I was throwing it in your face or because after numerous attempts to say it, I couldn't and it frustrated me. So taking your advice, I took to my blog and maybe, HOPEFULLY, this way can bury most of the shit forever and get on our lives. These are the questions that were in my mind during my dark period and things I've always wanted to know.

• Do you really love me like you say you do?
• Am I really that hard of a person to love?
• Do you hate me? 
• Are you really giving me all of you?
• Even though you said I'm getting all of you, why does it still feel like I'm not?
• Am I that horrible a person?
• Do I ever have to worry about anything once we get straight. if we ever do?
• Do I have to compete for your love again?
• Will you ever give me the chance to just love you regardless?

I mean that's all been in my head for a year and change. It's all that I've stayed up at night, meditating by the lakefront, crying over. I honestly don't know how everything is gonna turn out. But what I do know is those questions needed to be asked and I had to get all of that off of my chest. You choose to get mad or angry, that's your choice and I cant stop that. But I had to get that out and I do pray that God will bless this and FINALLY bring all of this shit to an end, once and for all.