This installment of the Dragon Chronicles is gonna take a different turn. Yes, I'm gonna speak on a topic, but I'm not about to look at it from different views. I'm gonna look at it strictly from mine because this installment is gonna be about me personally. I feel that in this entry, I have to expose my vulnerability and show that, regardless of what I like to think sometimes, I'm still human and I do bleed red blood. I just have to be completely real with myself and with all of you that read this. There was a blog written about the art of forgiveness. A beautiful entry talking about the different viewpoints of how to forgive. I can say that over the course of these last 8 months, I've lost sight of that fine art and actually reverted back to how I used to be in some aspects of not forgiving and not letting go. This installment, I'm gonna take the time to just air everything out and forgive and start on my new path. It's a few people that I need to forgive and ask that they forgive me also.
The first person up: Charlize
Charlize, From March until May 2011, we had our ups and downs. It seemed like when I left home everything, started to fall apart for us. It was hard to leave you and I knew that I should have stayed, didn't care where I was or where I stayed, the most important thing to me was being there with you. It went from a high point of us spending your birthday and our anniversary together to what it is now. It did seem like we were doomed at 1 point. From us both getting sick simultaneously and not being able to talk to all of that arguing over pointless issues in hindsight. March 27th, 2011 will forever be a day that I remember because it was the night of our almost attempted suicide together. When I look back on the argument and when I look back on those things that were said during our Skype conversations of the past, I was such an ass. I was blinded by trivial things that didn't mean anything then and definitely don't mean anything now in hindsight. I have to ask your forgiveness for all that I did and said during that time period because I honestly was a damn fool and I truly lost sight of the art of forgiveness. There's also something else to it. That fateful, dreadful day in October of 2010, when what happened that night went down. To be completely honest with you and with myself, I never really forgave you for that because of the argument that happened before it, you going out, what happened to me because of it, and the reverberations of what that day caused. It still ate at me and it still irritated me the rare times that I thought about it. I never did truly forgive you for it, but as Yahweh is my witness right now, I'm not taking that with me in 2012. You might take it the wrong way, but I truly, honestly do forgive you right now, even thought I know the issue behind it and why it happened, and just how YHWH forgives and forgets, so to will I. This isn't in a "I cant believe you still on that shit," kinda thing, it's just the fact that YOU were the 1 who taught me that I cant run from myself and you were the woman who taught me how to face the things and the issues of my past. It's because of my Master putting you in my life and you still being the influence that you are that allows and helps me to face this part of myself and of our past and close that chapter of my life. There are other things, but they are completely private and NEVER will be revealed on this blog. They are definitely between me and you. Thank you for being that positive influence that I've needed for so long and thank you for being the best friend and the best girlfriend that I've ever had and will ever know.
Next person up: Dennis.
Dennis, regardless of what I'm about to do, what was said about you in the Dragon Chronicles pt.5 changes nothing. I was spitting both the truth and feelings (at least from what I know by way of Charlize anyway). My feelings on that still stand, but the difference in this is, I'm DEFINITELY gonna stand on my own 2 and do what I have to do and now what I WANT to do, even though part of me doesn't. Honestly, I'm done with this, man. I'm done with this back and forth. I'm done with this confusion. I'm done with y'all having to argue because of the simple fact that I'm talking to a woman who not only is my best friend, but still has my heart. As a man, I'm putting my pride to the side and I'm forgiving you for the shit you pulled, bruh. Yea. I am. It's done. This battle is over man. I concede with trying to win this girl. If y'all are anointed by the grace of Yahweh and it's in His Will that y'all are to remain together, so be it. I'm done trying to do the same thing you did to me. I'm completely justified in doing what I want because of what you pulled, but even though I am, I'm not about to. I've broken all of my rules in terms of not messing with a woman in a relationship, even if that woman is my own. I've sacrificed my honor, my discipline, and my integrity over something that was YHWH created and over something that I have no control over. He allowed you to do what you did, so obviously there's a reason for why He let you go through with it and a conclusion to that which He has allowed you to do and gain. Again, if it's in His will, then by all means, in the name of YHWH, be blessed and I hope that He adds marvelous, blessed years to the union He created in you 2. If not, you should know 2 key scriptures, Romans 12:19 and Proverbs 6:29,30-31. The thing that I can be most honest about is the fact that I know that I wont be able to forgive you in 1 entry. It's definitely gonna take time, but as of this entry, the anger, the grudging, the hate that I had towards you, it's over. It's done. I'm ready to leave this behind me and move on past this. So with that being said, my brother in Yahweh, the bad blood that I had towards you is done. I forgive you and from here on out, day after day, I'm praying that YHWH gives me what I need to truly move on from this and let this go and release it from my heart.
Next up: Jasmine
Jasmine, again, just like I previously stated, what was said in pt. 5, I still stand on because that's the anger and sorrow that I felt. I forgive you for what you did and for the beginning of all that happened in the year 2011. I've held on to that anger for ALL of last year, but I'm letting it go and I'm letting it be. I truly do understand your reasons for wanting to go to that party and I truly do understand that you wanted to be there with PJ. But Jasmine, for everything that was sacrificed for you and your son now, the LEAST you could have done, the LEAST, is let us spend our new year together. I don't know how Charlize still feels about you or what happened, but I know on my end, I do forgive you and that piece of bad blood between us is dead and in the grave.
In closing, I'm done with trying to hold onto these things. They all just warped me into something that I was not meant to become. But because of all of these things happening to me, I can, once again, stand as a man and say that I'm a better person, stronger person, a man of the Most High, and a better man because of all this. Yeah, it still hurts sometimes, I can admit that, but it's because I can admit that that I can keep walking to where I need to get to. I forgive all of you and also ask that same forgiveness in return. Any man can hold a grudge and talk shit. Any man can sit up and say that another man is a bitch because he's forgiving and choosing to back down rather than fight. But it takes a REAL man, willing to stand on his own 2 and swallow his pride, to not only truly forgive another for a wrong doing, but to also be willing to show respect and acknowledge his wrongdoings. I choose to live how my Savior, Yahshua, lived and that's EXACTLY what He did, so if you gon call me a bitch, pussy, or punk, or any combination of those 3 words, call Him the same thing! I know that I've done some things I swore I wouldn't. I've done things that go against the personal code I live by. But here I am. Admitting all of that before YHWH, myself, and you that's reading this right now. I lost sight of the art of forgiveness because of all the hurt, pain, sadness, and spitting upon my name has had to endure over these last 8 months. Yahweh wanted me to get to this point and I can say that I have finally arrived, Master. Never forget this precious art form because it's 1 that most people don't know how to do, but also don't too much care about doing.
FORGIVENESS...PASS IT ON!
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