Love. It's the strongest and probably most powerful word known to mankind. It is also one of the most wrongly used word. A pondering for you...what does love mean to you? What do you expect of it? Isn't it amazing that this simple 4 letter word carries AMAZING power?! This word has the power to make people do things that they NEVER thought they would EVER do or ever have to do. People give up their time, money, lifestyles, sometimes their entire beings for those that they feel that they "love."
Perfect examples of that statement: Myself. I'm caught in something that I didn't bring on myself and that I KNOW I should have left alone a LONG TIME AGO, but the only reasons, ONLY REASONS, that I still allow myself to endure and put myself through this type of fuckin torture, sadness, and have teetered very close to the brink of insanity is because of the fact that I love this woman SO MUCH and that my Adonai has allowed this to happen in my life for a reason. There's nothing that I wouldn't do for her and have told her that I would endure anything and take her suffering as my own to show her that I love her and that I just cant live without her, even if that means *sigh* that I'm never gonna be with her again. I still love her that much to just wait and I love her that much to put YHWH's Will and her happiness over what I want, :'(.
1 EVEN BETTER THAN ME!! My Master, YHWH. Humans were SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO messed up, (still are by my standards), He had to send His Son, my Savior, to cleanse our blood that we might be spared eternal death. It takes LOVE to do something like that. A breed whose fate was already sealed was saved by the sacrificial love of the Lamb. No greater love is there than 1 who lays down their life for another. By these standards, love is something that should NEVER be taken for granted and always cherished. So if that's the case, then why? WHY is it used for all the WRONG reasons? Why is it used to justify the actions of people that others KNOW don't care about them? Why is it used as an excuse to stay in a relationship or in a situation that is violent, threatening, or even selfish? Why do people throw the word out there just for sex or just to obtain something that they want?
What's the point in taking the greatest feeling ever given to man and twisting and distorting it to accomplish selfish means or tear a person down? The worse part about that though? Some people simply just don't give a fuck about the damage that they do to another as long as they get what they want from it. I've seen many a person, myself included sometimes, broken after giving their all to someone who never deserved it in the first place, ONLY to have that same person try to come back into your life and act like shit never happened or claiming to love you and how sorry they are for the action or actions that were committed. HOW SELFISH ARE THESE NIGGAS, RIGHT?! If you haven't learned by now, love, REAL TRUE LOVE, just isn't about doing shit for someone, ALWAYS spending time with them, or even giving them gifts when you want to. Love, REAL TRUE LOVE, is sacrificial. It's being able to think about the needs of your partner before your own. It's about understanding that you are responsible for your partner and they for you also. I think the biggest thing about it is, when you have to, being ready to give up your love for someone if it isn't working out because you genuinely value their happiness. I don't know how that applies to my situation, but I do know that I will gladly walk (and I have, she can vouch for that) if that's what she truly wanted and if that gives her the happiness that she's been looking for.
I love you, Nuki, that's all I can say. It hurts. It breaks me a little every time I think about it, but the 1 thing that hasn't died is my love for you and loyalty to you. I wasn't trying to have this installment be so emotional, but when I'm talking about her, I can NEVER keep my feelings in, as hard as I try to. She's the only woman to ever have me like this and honestly, Ju, I want you to be happy, no matter what that means. I'll leave you alone if you want me to. I'll marry you if you want me to. I want what my Master wants for me, but I also want to be with you also. I just miss you. That's all. I love you, Juju-bee, now and forever, until the end of time...
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