I've been trying to find the words to put this together. I honestly have no idea how this about to come out, but I'll just shoot this bitch off and wherever the fuck we land is just where the fuck we land.
October. This month is just an experience. So many things have happened to me during this month that I can honestly say that if I'm going to learn anything important throughout the course of a year, I'm probably going to learn the most in October. This month is one that's filled with celebrations. My cousin and my hero and his daughter share a birthday at the end of it (Halloween). My favorite day/night of the entire year is on the 30th, Devil's Night, even though I'm currently retired (That's something I should probably expound in another entry one of these days lol). Had a couple losses during this month also. My little brother was killed on the 20th of this month, 15 years ago. I also just recently lost a friend of mine this year during this month on the 16th. We haven't been dealing with that one too well at all. Most of my lessons about life. How to walk through it. How to navigate it and quite frankly, half of my thought process and my way of moving was crafted and cultivated during this month also (Rest in Pieces and in hell, you stupid son of a bitch).
This month also has something that's going to happen in it that I haven't acknowledged in a long time, but always did when the mission was still in progress. Tonight is the Hunter's moon. It's usually represented historically as a signal that it's that time of year when the Indigenous peoples would start to gather up their stock of food for winter. They're reaping what they've sowed from their harvests, and they are out hunting and gathering meat from deer and other prey that have been fattening themselves up from eating during the summer. The Hunter's Moon for me was a signal that the Fallen were with us and guiding our paths and covering us, making sure that we came back home. This year, there's going to be a lunar eclipse with this Hunter's Moon and I gotta say, the energy has been something CRAZY all this month. I've gone from confusion, to tears and heartache, to being absolutely floored because of lost, to being completely reticent, to reluctant acceptance, to something completely rejuvenating and reigniting the Dragon fire in my heart, to understanding what I need to do now, to being ready to walk through the depths of Tartarus to reach where the fuck I want to be and what the fuck I want from this world. AND I'm willing to burn this fucking world down in order to reach it. I've been denied A LOT of shit because of my actions and the actions of others, and I'm done with that shit being my crutch now.
Because of everything that's transpired, mostly in the last 2 1/2 weeks, when the lunar eclipse happens, I'm taking a blood oath. It's going to be one that covers the one I took earlier on the 16th. I take these promises extremely seriously because I'm spilling my own blood to stand by it and stand on it. In front of my witnesses, in front of the Fallen, my little brother Talon, my cousin Vashawn, Sonya, and on the graves of 2 little ones, I will give myself to my cause. No matter what it takes. If it means I never love again, so be it. If that means I will never have another friend, so be it. If that means I must cut myself off from the entire world and become a wraith where I acknowledge no human anymore, so be it. By my word and by the flame of the eternal Dragon, I will devote and pledge myself to my cause. I will honor the Fallen by earning my title back. I will honor myself by showing and proving myself worthy of the title. Nothing else matters moving forward except that...
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