Shit, I got another one in me?! Damn I've been hella consistent with this these last few days, LMAO! While I do promise myself, I'm definitely going to start writing more about what's going on with me for me to look back to see, shit definitely be hard sometimes because life definitely be doing some fucking lifeing at times! Shit just makes you wanna box everything and everybody around you sometimes. Well, with this entry, it came to me yesterday, but I knew that I couldn't write it because I couldn't think of how it would look. I knew the subject matter that I wanted to cover, but I couldn't figure out how to approach it or how to even write it. Then on the way home, it kinda hit me. I know exactly what I want to say and I know exactly how I want to say it. I just need to make sure it doesn't sound like complete and utter chaos coming off of my fingers as I type it, lol.
On the way home today, I was doing A LOT of reflecting on the events of this week, hell on the last 10 months of my life. Quite honestly, it's been a lot of eventful shit that happened this year, from me FINALLY getting to see the baddest band in the land, otherwise known as the GOATs, but they go by a simpler name called Alter Bridge, to the fact I'm making strides at my job and I'm getting groomed for another promotion (again but knock on wood though. I aint trying to have that shit go past me lol), to the fact that I'm in the gym again since the Dark Years and I gotta say, I forgot how much I loved the shit and the clarity that it brings. Granted, I'm focused for an entirely different reason this time, but that aggression and that driven ass focus are things that I've missed so fucking much, it isn't even funny. Can't forget the fact that, I'm just gonna be nice and call it my nonexistent ass love life. That's literally the nicest thing I can say about it because that bitch is actually in shambles, but I'm doing that thing now where I show myself some grace and I take it easy on myself. Actually, been kind of dope doing that because I can take a step back and truly think about everything and bring myself some closure and it comes a lot easier and, honestly, healthier than it used to. Well getting back to the ride home. I was just reflecting on everything that this year has been and brought, and while I do appreciate the lessons, painful or not, that 2023 has given and taught me, I know that it's time to take a stand on that shit and it's time for a true change and doing shit differently in my life. I KNOW what I want my life to look like. I know how I want myself to look like in it. I know how I want the people to look in it. I know what I want my person's role to look like in my life and how I want us both to be individually and towards each other. I have a vision and it's never been clearer to me than it was earlier today.
I GOT MONEY EVERYWHERE!!!! (Shout out to Chloe and Halle and congratulations to Halle as well!). I know how I want to live. I've never wanted to live in luxury, but I have always wanted to be comfortable and have the money to just plan vacations, excursions, date nights, and just being able to buy shit without having to think twice about it. I'm always careful with my bread, but still. My person and my future family deserve to be spoiled and shit, (This being a giver shit for the muthafuckin birds sometimes tho lol). IDK, man. I've been feeling mad fucking romantic lately and, for me, that's some really left shit. Like I can't remember the last time I truly felt like this, and it was something that I truly wanted to do myself because I would make me feel good and also the fact that I also love making my person smile also.
I find myself getting HYPE over this feeling of passion and love that I find myself feeling lately. (I'll give Aubrey his flowers for that song). I honestly don't know what the fuck has come over me. It's like something has lit a fire in my heart and I've just been releasing a whole bunch of emotion from it that's been trapped in it for well over a decade. It's really been an interesting science experiment that I've had the pleasure of being able to notate and analyze from both the outside and inside and it's yielded some interesting conclusions. I truly find myself wanting to give this passion, romance, love, and me to someone that's deserving of it. It's something that worthy of both her and me. I just want to be able to announce to the world that I love and care about the woman who sets my heart ablaze. One who inspires me to do great things. Who inspires me to tear down walls and apply scorched earth to everything that came before and build an amazing foundation and amazing fucking life from it. It's something that, regardless of my excellent ability to push shit down with rage and anger and keep it pushing, it's been the one anomaly that I haven't been truly able to get rid of. Definitely makes me feel like I'm the Architect from The Matrix Reloaded.
Speaking of that special woman, THERE'S GOES MY BABY (Shout out the that menace Mr. Raymond)! As much as I talk shit about it and I try to deny myself of it because of therapy shit, I actually can't wait until she walks into my life. How I know it's going to be her is because she's going to immediately shine a light on the darkness in me and clear all that shit out. She's going to be the one that starts a wildfire in my heart that's never going to be able to be put out. She's going to be the one who inspires me to new heights that I didn't even realize that I wanted to go to. She's going to be the inspiration for every move that I do. She's going to be the reason that I think carefully about a lot of the things I do because I will only have her best interest at heart. I wouldn't want to be as reckless as I know I can be sometimes because my moves will make sure that they benefit us both rather than just myself. All I will want to do is making sure I'm keeping a smile on her face and making sure that she can see, feel, understand, and always know that I'm going to always be there, cherish, love, and care about her.
Staying up to see the BREAK OF DAWN (shout out to the GOAT, the legend, Michael Jackson). There's a lot of filthy nasty shit I can say about this part, but I'm not and I'm gonna probably save that for another later entry where I can dedicate that to being absolutely filthy and just downright fucking freaky and nasty lmao!
They say speaking your will into the universe and manifesting that shit will make you start to see the desires of your heart start to come to fruition as long as you're also putting in the work on your end and making sure you're on the right frequency of it also. Well, I can say that I've been doing that since September, and I honestly can't wait to see all this come together. This new and refreshing mindset that I've had since I've had my ass back in this damn gym is really invigorating and, quite frankly, it's definitely spilling into different parts of my life, and it's had a hell of a positive reinforcement to me. Granted, I know you can't have positive without the negative that comes with it also, but I'm sick of constantly dwelling on the negative shit. so why not try something new and see what the fuck happens, right? I'm coming for all of this shit (giggety). I'm coming for my money. I'm coming for my new place, I'm coming for my special woman, I'm coming for my better life. I'm going to make it happen. I will it into existence. I gotta stand on business for this and I gotta make sure that I'm the best man that I can be for myself, my principles, my code, my person, my family, my friends. For everything. I just need to be right man. I'm not getting younger (even though I kinda feel like I am lol), but I want this. I haven't wanted anything so bad like I want this. So, I gotta do what I have to do. Tighten up. Buckle down. Keep my mind focused. Keep putting in the work. I deserve it. And honestly, so does she. Whoever she is...
No comments:
Post a Comment