As I lay here, dying, I just want to take the time to say thank you to those that never left my side, no matter how hard I tried to push you away. No matter how difficult I was to deal with. No matter how much I isolated myself. You all are the very reason that I was able to continue to keep pushing through this life and that also drove me to make sure that I could keep you all protected at all times. Your love and your loyalty have meant everything to me and it's because of you all, I can die honorably.
To those who made me feel insignificant, those of you who said you cared about me, but your actions VASTLY proved otherwise, I hope you go to your grave living with the fact of how you treated someone who was down for you and gave you absolutely everything that he had. Who you could call upon at the drop of a dime and know that I would have been the one to help you with any and everything that you needed. The most reliable and dependable person that you knew and all you decided to do was just use and take advantage of me for your own gains. Live with that. KNOW that you're a trash ass person and that karma will come back to you.
And to those of you who had my heart in your hands and chose to drop it, spit on it, step on it, and then finally stab it like I was Davy Jones from the Pirates of the Caribbean. I just wanna tell you bastards....thank you. Thank you for the many lessons that I learned because of your betrayals. Thank you for treating me like I wasn't shit because it made me realize what I truly meant to you and it made me also understand how strong I was. It also made me realize that I needed to be cold as possible to keep moving through this life. I also thank you for making me realize that right now. Thank you for letting me know that I'm going to forever be alone, but that I don't need anyone because humanity isn't to be trusted. Nor those that I wanted to have my heart or those that said they "loved me" or "wanted to be with me so bad," but never showed a goddamn move in trying to make it happen.
As my breath grows more shallow, and the hand of death gets closer, I close my eyes as I await my fate. I'm sorry that it came to this Shawn. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you, Sonya and Talon. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you were taken, X and Blaze. I'm so sorry that I didn't get revenge for you Monica and Jessyca. I'll have to tell you all this again when I get there, but I just wanted you to know one last time while I'm on this earthly plane.
As my death knell sounds, I hope that I've made the lives of those I've been in more better than how I left them. I know I wasn't always a good person and I've definitely hurt some of those people. I'm so sorry that I did and it was NEVER my intent to. I've never said I was a nice guy and I know that I'm not always a good person. The one thing I was though was honest, and all I've tried to be with all of you is exactly that. I've tried to be as honorable as possible and I've always tried my absolute hardest to do right by you all. I wasn't always a good person, but I did always try to have good intentions, even if half of them were skewed. Even though I was always at war within myself between the good and bad in me, I've always tried to do the right thing, even though I've had my times where I wasn't concerned about the right thing.
As I take my last breath, I die saying this. I wasn't always a nice person, but I always had a good heart. Goodbye you all. I'll see you on the other side...
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