I want to go back...back to before this all began...back before I was inadvertently throw into something that wasn't my choosing, something that isn't what I wanted, something that was forced upon me. Over the course of time, the only questions I had were, "Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Why was this brought upon me? I didn't do anything wrong, so why am I suffering and they are thriving? Not just thriving, FLOURISHING!! What did I do to anger you, God? The only answers that I received were, " be still" It was over the course of the same time that I realized, good things happen to bad people. Not because they did some secret thing or that they deep down had some bad lying there. Simply because, with the good that is received, bad times must also follow. It's all a part of the master plan for this.
To be honest, there have been times I've really wanted to say screw this plan because this was brought upon me for no reason for nothing that I was at fault for. But the 1 thing that I've learned over the course of this time; not my will, but THY will be done. You obviously have a reason and a purpose behind this and I have the promise that You made me back in August of 2010 and I honestly hope that it really was a promise from You that I saw in the 3rd grade all those years ago. That promise is 1 that I hope You bring to me, but I do know that the promise of last year, You will give to me, because You gave me a scripture from Your Book of Truth to back that up (Hosea 6:1). You also led me to Romans 12:19, which is also another thing of You telling me to be still.
All in all, I'm more beaten, bruised, bloody, and broken in this walk than I ever was physically in a 8 year beef with 1 of the greatest adversaries that I've ever known in my life. This has taken more out of me than anything that I've ever known in my life to date. But even in the midst of everything that's been thrown in my path. In spite of everything that they have thrown at me. Regardless of all that's been spoken, yelled, and cursed in my name, I still keep pushing, I still keep walking, I still keep hoping, praying, waiting...KNOWING that I'm that much closer than I've ever been. That much closer to the end. I've already started the walk down the last mile of this and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can see the tape of the finish line. The only thing I cant do is back down, give up, or surrender my will. On this planet, my knee falls to NO MAN...physically or mentally.
I am a leader because I know how to follow when I need to and lead when called upon. I am a warrior because I first had to be a student to train with my teacher and get help molding myself. I am a man because I had to learn from those great and not so great male figures in my life to teach me what to do in certain situations and learn from my greatest teacher, my Heavenly Father, on how to truly understand what being a man really means and the life lessons He took me through to train me up (God really did train up His child on the way I should go, lol). Lastly, I AM a king because I first come through the lineage of the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords and through Him, I learned what it takes to truly have compassion and love for, while yet being a stern and sincerely honest person through those He put in my charge. Simply, for these reasons I cant go back because I've come so far in my life to turn around. The song truly speaks about this situation but it also speaks about you, my love. Honestly though, it sums up everything that I've been through and that I MUST keep pushing and that I will get to where God needs and wants me to be, both in Him and while I'm still breathing.
The Great King and the Almighty Creator has brought me such a long way on the last leg of the journey, as much as I want to, I know that I can never go back, but with everything that is in front of me, all those counting on me, and the 1 that is in her predicament and wants to come home, I know that my God, my will, and my determination also will never let me back down...
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