My Prayer...

God, I hope that you can read this, I know you can someway, somehow, but I need you more than ever. I honestly dont know how much more and how much longer I can endure this. I understand the purpose and I understand why, but it doesnt change the fact that it still hurts so much. I know that you hear me when I call out to You, but sometimes, I just feel as though You are so far from me or that You just dont wanna hear from me. I can be honest with myself and say that I do need to do better in terms of our relationship with each other. You're always so faithful and just to me when I'm not and as much as people use it as an excuse, I dont care how much of a human I am, I still dont have any right to do the things that I do. I know I'm not always the best son to You, but I do try. I feel like I'm just being bombarded and bombs are all around me, just exploding every 5 seconds. I dont understand why You would take me through so much pain and anguish. What is this for and how does it help me? I do know that 1 thing that I have learned out of this is that I should and will praise You through the good times and the bad. It seems like the only time that You can ever get a praise out of me is when I'm going through bad stuff and it makes me have to be closer to you. It shouldn't be like that and it wont again. Since I'm typing this, I have a reminder to myself and the circle that I have now will also be there to remind me to praise you in the bad and in the good. You are all I have now and I know that's more than enough. God, I can be honest enough with you that even though I have you, I still have that lonely feeling. I hate that feeling and I hate the tears and the anger that it brings. I just feel so far away from You sometimes. I know that You've never left or that You haven't forsaken me, but I just feel like I'm walking through all of this alone. Every time I thought it was getting better, it went from bad to worse quickly. I know that it can also be part of my perception of this also, but still, it hurts. All I have is Your Promise to stand on, and I can believe that You really did promise me that because Your unbreakable Word and Truth helped confirm it, (with some help from You leading me to it, of course. :D) Hosea 6:1 is the verse that I stand on. I now understand all of what You were talking about in it and the underlying meaning of it and everything that led up to that verse because it's a direct mirror of my life up until it.