Fire Regenerated: Evolution of a Dragon

It's been a while since I've written an entry and it's a lot that's happened since then. But I think the best thing to do is to see how I've evolved over all that time. Since it's so damn much and some of it really isn't worth delving into, how about we start with 2007. Real deep in the middle of 8 year beef that took the lives of 4 people before 2007 and would go on to take 1 more a year later. This is the infamous year that I met the broad who is solely responsible for fucking my emotional life up and the consequences of that reverberated down through the years until this very moment as I'm typing this. Ms. Coneshia Danielle Turner. A name that will forever live in infamy in my life. When I first met her, I thought she was a normal girl. Didn't think too much of her being a fake. Didn't think that she had anything to lie about. She was from a part of Mississippi that I'm always around and traveled to since my granddad (Rest In Love) stayed in the backwoods not too far from Greenwood and my grandma ain't too far from her either. So I THOUGHT (keyword there) I would be able to see her a lot since I'm usually in and out of Mississippi at any given time. Never did I THINK she had anything to lie about. HA!!!! If I didn't play myself with the biggest fucking joke of all time, I just don't know. This damn girl lied about EVERYTHING!!! EVERY FUCKING THING YOU CAN IMAGINE SHE LIED ABOUT. Her age, what he looks like, almost her entire family dying, people that she said existed that never was thought about ever in life, cars that were still on the lot, homes that were nothing but trees, trust me, anything you can think of, she lied about and my brother would be able to vouch on that cuz she got his ass too LONG before I ever knew about either of them (Shout out to ya, Nick). I can stand on my own 2 and say that YES...I WAS THE DUMB ASS for ever listening to this damn girl in the first place. Especially since she left me abandoned twice and couldn't even look me in the face to give me a decent answer on why the fuck she did the shit in the first place. But hey, you live, you learn. you bury shit in the past and with anger and you move the hell on with your life, thinking it wont happen again right?

WRONG!!!!!!!! IT DID HAPPEN AGAIN!!! AND FROM A MUTHAFUCKA I DIDN'T THINK WOULD PULL THAT SHIT!!!

Now enters a woman by the name of Alanna Joy Byes. Now with her, I've known her almost 4 years. Met her on Tagged, just like Neshia and the other women I'm gonna mention also. (pretty much, NEVER join the damn site. all you're doing is signing a death warrant on your life. nothing but unnecessary drama comes from there.) But I digress. But yea, Alanna and I were damn good friends from the moment we met til we said that we would try a relationship between the 2 of us. It was actually pretty good. It lasted a year, so I guess that would be good. Never did I think that she would give me a reason to not trust her or that she would be lying to me about anything. *GAME SHOW BUZZER!!!* YOU SIR WERE WRONG AGAIN!!! I will never forget the day. August 26, 2009. That's when the truth was exposed. A day before, I met a girl named Bianca and she had a profile of a girl who I THOUGHT was posing as a fake of Alanna. HA!! Turns out that it was the other way around. AAAAANNNDDD that that was happening since the moment I first met her. Well basically, I got on the phone, chewed her the fuck out, said it was over and left the shit at that. Are we still friends? Yea, we are because she's a good friend, but will it ever be the same again after that shit? Not a chance in hell. Not because we didn't try. It just couldn't be that way again after all the time that went into it and how bad the lie hurt and how much time made it bleed worse.

THENNNN after her. Let's introduce the lady named Delnisha Williams. I knew her since May 5, 2009. We decided to give each other a go after the shit with Alanna went down and I left it at that. That was only a month of time used up because in late September, she comes calling me and telling me that she's pregnant. Now mind you, me and her were involved and got intimate, but penetration never happened between us. So you ALREADY know what that means. She told me that it was her ex's and THAT nigga already didn't like me for whatever reason that he could fathom in his head. I honestly couldn't tell you. But what I can is the fact that she later revealed that it wasn't even her ex's. IT WAS SOME NIGGA THAT PICKED HER UP WHEN SHE WAS ASSHOLE BUSTED. That she said was a "friend." She was drunk and shit happens. You would think that's OK and I should be cool with that, HELL NAH. If you can sit in my face and tell me that you love me, your actions should be able to prove that. So now, she has another daughter and Dezzy is a cute as a damn button forreal, but she is the result of a drunken night of lust.

Fast Forward about a year and then we arrive at August 2, 2010. I can say that's when my life truly changed for the better. I met this young woman by the name of Charlize Christiana Kean. Beautiful young lady. Head on right, busting her ass to better herself and rise above everything that was negative in her family, or as she says, her non-existent family. I can tell you about everything that's happened between us, but because this is the woman that I'm in love with despite where we are now, and because I truly, TRULY haven't lost an ounce of respect for this woman, this is between us and ONLY us. OUT OF EVERY WOMAN THAT I NAMED, she is the ONLY 1 that has come to me right after she did what she did and told me the truth right then and there. Because of that, I will always have the utmost respect and love for her because she's the only real woman that I've ever known to do that for me in a relationship when she didn't have to. Regardless of what she thinks, is doing right now, or wants to believe, I know deep in my soul that I'm suppose to be in this woman's life and we are suppose to be walking together through it until death do we part. Charlize, if you're reading this right now, just know that I'm keeping my blood oath and I'm patiently waiting. Don't care what you think or say, just know that I am.

The evolution of my mind through these things has made me wanna say that I should have said fuck women a LONGGGGGGGGGG time ago. That's what any other "sane" human being on this planet would have said. That I'm the stupid 1 for putting up with these women and that I should have just smashed and moved on. Yea I should have, yea I should have left, but I didn't. If this would have happened back in my teen years, then yea, I would have been split the fuck out. My mind has grown and I have evolved to know that EVERYBODY deserves a chance and a chance after that and a chance after that. The Bible itself states in Matthew 18:22 when asked how many times should you forgive a person? Jesus himself states and I quote" I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but seventy times seven." I've evolved beyond my peers and some family and I choose not to look at the world the way that I used to. It's because I used to look at the world in such anger and disgust, I was only adding to the problem instead of trying to help cure it. Don't get me wrong, I will ALWAYS look at this world in disgust and how humanity is sometimes, but if I can help just 1 person just learn to love, they in turn, would wanna help someone else, and they would help someone else, and so on and so forth, and that is just 1 small step to helping this world embrace love again. The evolution of this dragon as been a long and trying 1 but it's because of the grace of the God and a young woman named Charlize that I can say that I'm on my way back to embracing that great blessing from above called love and trying to help people not tear that apart again.

It's been fun, but now you can exit now, be sure to come back for the next entry, whenever it gets posted lol...