The Dragon Chronicles Book 2, Ch.9: Indoctrination

Something takes a part of me
Something I never thought I would see
Waves are washing over me
Making me craving your hidden sea

One look at you and I know instantly
That I have to have you immensely
I need you to hug, kiss, completely ravish me
I need your incredible body on top of me

I need your nipples in my mouth
Working my way down, starting to crouch
Licking, tasting, between your legs
It's like they say, "A closed mouth doesn't get fed"

I don't want to eat long because I have to have you
Taking it out and putting it in, sliding all the way through
The warmth, the wetness, the very essence of you
Drives me completely crazy, I don't know what to do

Each stroke, the moans become more
Each stroke, the smell of sex coming through our pores
Each stroke, the moans start to soar
Each stroke, both of us craving more and more

Deep strokes, Hard strokes, Fast strokes, Slow strokes
I love how hard you cum when you want to be choked
I love how your pussy grips the dick when you cum
Because you already know I won't make that your only one

Keep cumming baby. It's what I need
I'll keep fucking you as long as you agree
That I can worship your bomb ass pussy on my knees
So I keep your pretty pussy cumming for me

I wont stop until every last drop is out of you
To make sure you're completely pleased through and through
Until I snatch the soul out of you
Until dehydration is a thing for me and you

I need that pussy. Give it. Let me have it.
I'll keep talking you through a nut while you're on the dick
Don't worry, while I'm stroking the pussy, your clit will be flicked
Because you are so damn fine baby, but that pussy is sick

I love you so much, you know that already.
But, I say this, so get ready.
I'll make sure some times are slow and steady
But you better prepare, we're both getting messy

Baby, you're constantly in my head
Your personality has a spell on me, your cum does too
You've indoctrinated me through your seduction
But don't worry, I will never tell on you

The Dragon Chronicles Book 2, Ch.8: Fade

I've watched over your life, I still am, in fact
Keeping tabs, taking notes, keeping a weathered eye
I see that you're hoping your mental state remains intact
I know you long for the days of rain to calm you and satisfy

I see that you're trying to breathe. Relax, it's not that bad
The feeling of you being overtaken must be too much to bear
I can see your memories flashing before you, so dreary, so sad
I can feel it eating at you. I feel the very fabric of you starting to tear

So where do you turn? Who can you turn to? Who do you think will listen?
Let's face it. You've got no one and you've got nothing dude.
I want you to see this right now, watch and bear witness
NO ONE is going to notice, you're most definitely screwed

I see it, I see it well before you even think it through
You think your solution is simple. You think you know what it is
Go ahead and try, I know your moves before you do
I can already tell you, you wont get yours, but he'll get his

Go ahead and try to talk to her. See if you're heard.
I welcome the attempt for you to try
I GUARANTEE you, you wont get out anything, not even a word
So sit there, stupid, watch your feeble attempts to change crash and die

I watch you stuff down all the things you want to say. Why bother?
She doesn't fucking listen to you. She listens no better than your fucking father
Keep thinking that shit will change. Go ahead. TRY!
You can keep giving yourself false hope all you want, it's nothing but a big ass lie

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME?!
I'm always gonna be here, there ain't a fucking doubt about that
I can promise that you'll deal with me for the rest of your life, CONSTANTLY
That's not hyperbole, that's just a simple fucking fact.

Awww...you need someone to talk to? TOO FUCKING BAD!!
You're not the only one who's neck I have my foot on.
I can give 2 shits less about your piddly ass state. Waa waa waa so sad
Understand, you have no one and nothing, all of your resources have been withdrawn

It's over for you, Link. Just accept it and give in.
I don't give a fuck how much of a warrior you are or everything you gave
This is a battle I cant, I WONT, and wont ALLOW you to win
The only option left I'm giving you is....fade

The Dragon Chronicles Book 2, Ch.7: One Day Remains

Young man, lately, you've seen a lot
Seems like, recently, your life is one big tragic comedic plot
You've been beaten down right before your very eyes, so I ask,
"How's it feel to be alive?"

Young man, all your wounds have been reopened
Seems like all you do is lose and get cast away
You've been torn down every time you've tried
So I ask again, "How's it feel to be alive?

Young man, your will has been bent and almost broken
I've taken your visions and thrown them to the wind
I've taken your plans and burned them down on both sides
So tell me, "How's it feel to be alive?"

Young man, I've put thoughts in your head that makes you question
Your reality, your heart, her heart, your entire world
I see your confusion and I feel you losing yourself again this time
So I ask you once more, "How's it feel to be alive?"

Young man, I've attacked the very essence that is you
Tearing down all that you love, want, and hold true
How could you think that you will be able to survive?
So I ask one last time, "How's it feel to be alive?"

---------------------------------------------

I cant answer that question because I don't know how to right now
All I know is that I cant give up. Gotta keep going somehow
You can take it all, do what you must. Beat me, kill me, show it live
Even ask again, "How's it feel to be alive?"

I'll fight the pain. Gather myself to stand one more time
Walk right up to you and look you square in the eyes
Tell you, "You hit like a bitch!" and to give it one more try
Because no matter how many times I fall, still I rise

OH!! I almost forgot..

I have an answer to your question, "How's it feel to be alive?"
A wise band once told me this, "Don't lay down and die..."

The Dragon Chronicles Book 2, Ch.6: Cloud Nine

Something about me that few people really know, I am an AVID lover of nature. I love just sitting back and marveling at the beauty that's the big blue marble that's our home planet. I love marveling at sunsets. I stand in amazement when I witness a sunrise. I'm always in awe when I witness the marvelous, yet destructive force that is lightning and also the booming, yet humbling sounds that is thunder. I always enjoy the tranquil peace that is the rain. The serene sound that it makes when it hits off objects. The smell that it makes the air when the storm is on the horizon and heading toward me. I love watching nature at night. I'm always awe-stricken when I'm watching the stars. Staring into the cosmos, it's looking at the universe at moments in time. Light taking millions of years to reach our eyes in that instant. It's something that humbles me every time I look to the stars.

Thinking about all these things made me realize that I actually do find a lot of things beautiful in nature. But more importantly, it made me pay closer attention to how I look at you, Shay. I tell you all the time about how much I think you're beautiful. It's rare for me to actually tell you how much I think so and I know that I've never compared your beauty to the elements that I so dearly love. 

Your beautiful brown eyes remind of every breathtaking sunset that I've ever witnessed. Every time I look into them, all I can see is your beautiful soul staring back at me. Full of vibrant colors and good intentions that rival the colors of the sunset itself. 

Your skin, your alluring brown skin. So ravishing. So radiant. So beautiful. When we're holding each other, I cant tell when yours begin and mine ends (shout out India.Arie). Your skin is so beautiful when you glow. Seeing you beam with happiness every time you smile. Every time we hug, every time we kiss, I love falling deep into the pristine sea that is your gorgeous brown skin.

Your mind. I adore it. The chaos that it can be at times. The linear mind that you have sometimes and all of the other things that it is in between. It reminds of me of the beautiful, but powerful force that is lightning. Beautiful as it tears through the skies. Beautiful as it lights up the darken backdrop of the night. But powerful enough to make me remember that its power is one that should always be remembered and respected. Lightning always makes me remember that in its instant flashes, it's 10x hotter than the surface of the sun. It reminds me that it takes every available route to get to the positive charge, but when it does strike, the power that it generates is equal to 1 BILLION volts of electricity. That's something that should ALWAYS be respected it. Just like your mind. It may be full of chaos and you may take different tangents to get to the point. BUT WHEN YOU DO...it's so clear, precise, thought provoking, and sometimes humbling. Something that I love and absolutely adore about you.

Your body. I can care less what you say about it. It's so comforting. So inviting. So warm. So familiar. It reminds me of our beautiful home we call Earth. It's so beautiful. Something that I cherish. Something that I honor. Something that I love paying homage to. Your body is something that should be worshiped. Kissed. Exalted. I love your tiger stripes. I celebrate your body every chance I get. I love massaging, kissing, touching, loving. I just LOVE your body. It's something that I'm honored that you allow me to celebrate.

I love your voice. Yea, yea. I know what you say about it. You think it's annoying. You think that EYE think you're annoying. Let this be the last time that it's said here. Baby, I DO NOT THINK YOU'RE ANNOYING!! The day that I think you're becoming annoying is when I will tell you, but I promise, (I PROMISE babe), EYE DO NOT THINK you're annoying. If you want me to be completely honest with you, your voice actually reminds me of waves crashing on a beach or a soothing downpour of rain. I'm on the record telling you how your presence reminds me of the rain. I can literally listen to you talk all the time and it's so comforting to me. It's like riding a cloud how beautiful your voice sounds to me. I feel like you should voice record some things for me so I can listen to it all day every day lol. 

I love your nose ring. IT'S SO FUCKING CUTE!!!! I got nothing else to say about it. I just think it's hella cute and I love your nose ring lol. 

There's a lot more about you that I love, babe, but some of those I could tell you in person and some of those I need to whisper in your ear. Also I'm sure that you're gonna show this to other people, lol, but I honestly don't care. This is my digital love letter to you. To tell you how much I adore you. To tell you how much I care about you. To let you know what I think of you every single time I see you. To let you know HOW I think of you every time I see you and talk to you. You're an amazing woman and I never get tired of letting you know that. I'm in uncharted territory when it comes to you, but you're worth it. I randomly chose you on August 1st of this year. The thing that's changed since then? I wont stop choosing you. 

Thank you Shay....For choosing me.

The Dragon Chronicles Book 2, Ch.5: Shed My Skin

32 years on this beautiful blue marble that we call planet Earth. I can say that while I haven't seen a lot in this world just yet, I have seen enough to form my thoughts on this world and its effects on and in my life. This world has definitely thrown a lot at me. Some of which, I didn't think that I would be able to ever recover from, but yet here I am, able to type this out because I was able to beat it. I'll be lying though if I said that there's still some things that don't still torment me sometimes. Something that I cant shake no matter how hard I've tried to.

I've been able to deal with a lot of things that's come my way. Sometimes I've need to take a step back to look objectively and then solve it. Other times, I've been able to run head on, tackle, and beat said problems like that. That's kind of my preferred way anyway. The one thing that I haven't been able to really conquer, yet alone get a grip on in the ways that I've hoped is love. It's been so damn daunting. So damn elusive. Completely fucking fleeting that I've wanted to just pull a Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean and lock my heart away and keep on pushing. In some ways, I've done just that. People are always telling me that it's hard to get a read on me or that it's hard to tell what I'm feeling. Whether it's about them or it's about a particular situation, people have just had a hard time getting a feel for what's going on in my head or in my heart.

Half of it is because I'm just naturally a quiet person. I'm introverted in some regards and I'm extroverted in some aspects also. I'm very much an ambivert. I'm an observer and I study my surroundings before I'm able to feel comfortable enough to want to in engage in the level that I want to. The other half of it is by design. I've been hurt so much in the past by some women (some of which have been documented on here) that I've just crawled inside myself and buried within. To never allow myself to be hurt again. To never open myself up again to anyone who was just using me or never gave 2 entire squirts of piss about me. I never wanted to feel that type of heartbreak and that type of dejection ever again, no matter the cost. If that I meant that I would have to sacrifice me and my heart to isolation in terms of my love life, I was willing to give it up because I didn't want to feel that pain again.

The date is August 1st, 2019. The time. 8:37 PM. A choice that seemed simple enough is about to become a catalyst that's eventually going to lead to this particular entry. The next day, August 2nd. The time. 9:18 AM. I never would have thought that a simple "good morning" would lead me to this particular entry also, but here we are. Enter Shay. The choice that was made on August 1st at 8:37 PM and that was the same choice to send a good morning text to on August 2nd at 9:18 AM and as of this moment the choice that I've been continually making since 8:37 PM of that night.

Since that day, we've been gradually growing closer and closer to each other. We've been hanging out every time that we've had a chance to. We've constantly enjoyed each other's company. We love talking to each other every day, and quite frankly, not talking to you every day will really throw me off now because I'm so used to it and I look forward to it every single day. We truly do care about each other. I know you feel that way about me and I show you that I feel that way about you. The one thing that we've been getting more and more into is the fear of each other. You tell me all the time how scared you are because I do feel like that "too good to be true" deal that Disney and the rest of that ilk and also just life has painted. While I've constantly heard that about myself before and it makes my ears bleed, I can understand why you said it. We talk about your fears all the time, but we haven't discussed mine. For all of my ability to eloquently display my elocution, when it comes to this topic, all I can draw is a big ass blank when it comes to this. But I'm gonna try right now.

Shay, TRUST ME ON THIS. You're not the only one that's scared. You truly do terrify me. I cant remember the last time that I've felt like this about a woman the way that I feel about you. I care about you immensely. I cant go a single day without talking to you in some capacity. When I'm around you, everything that's bad. Everything that's negative. Every bad thought instantly leaves my head and body because the energy around you is so pure, so full of light, so serene that it's impossible to try and be mad or upset or angry around you. When I'm around you, all I can do is smile and be happy. You are so warm and inviting. I've said it before and I'll continue to keep saying it, you are most definitely a light that this world so sorely needs.

You terrify me because I haven't met a woman like you in a very long time. I haven't met someone who was able to completely see through my smokescreen and my wall so quickly. I've not met someone who was truly able to see me for me and not for the dark persona that my personality dictates. It's not been a person in a very long time that was able to see, with clarity, my heart for what it is. I've long since believed that my heart was this cold and dormant entity that was doomed to roam this world without a chance to bleed warm blood again. While that was a thought and a reality that definitely was something I went through, I had no idea a woman of your caliber was going to come into my life and see my heart for what it wasn't and see the truth for what it was. You instantly saw and knew that my heart wasn't like this and slowly, but surely, this cold, desolate isolation post that I call my heart instantly started feeling warm again.

That's something that really scares me. A woman hasn't been able to see the inner me for a long time. I never wanted that to be a thing anymore. I never wanted someone to see me at my core again. I never wanted that fire to be lit again because I was so afraid that it would just be put out again. I never wanted to feel too happy with a woman again because I just knew that sooner or later, some stupid ass ex-dude or some dude that felt like that they had some kind of claim to her would come the fuck in and wreak all sorts of havoc and while her and that dude ride off into the sunset together and happy, there I am, shattered and left to pick up the pieces of what just happened. I know that I cant always prevent those kind of things from happening nor would I be able to anyway, but it's still hella heartbreaking to go through and to pick up the pieces from.

I can admit it here that I do have some insecurities about you. I know what you told me about Rick and how you 2 have hooked up in the past when no one else is involved. I know what you've told me about your relationship right now. I'll be lying if I said that it was easy for me to deal with. You obviously know him better than I do and you know how you deal with and go about things, BUT I'll be lying if I said that I was 100% comfortable. I've had situations like that happen to me in my past where a couple women have told me that their exes wouldn't pull no shit like that. That they were completely done with them. That I had absolutely nothing to worry about. Needless to say, that was a bunch of bullshit because of the fact that said dudes that I didn't have to worry about ended up coming into the picture and fucking up shit. Hell, I even caught one of them in bed with one of the women that I was dating and I'll let you imagine the rage that was going through my body upon finding and witnessing that. You always tell me that I shouldn't worry about it and that I have nothing to worry about with you and him. It's not you that's my issue. It's him. Seeing how I've been on both sides of this coin in my teenage years and in my 20s, I know how that shit goes. Especially when word gets around that said girl is talking to and entertaining someone else. All of a sudden, old feelings come back, thoughts of wanting to make it work again resurface, and here comes a fucking clown entering some shit that they should have never had no fucking business in. I can say that I've matured from doing stupid shit like that and I've apologized to said women that I did that to, but I do know that while I may be the type to do that and acknowledge my shortcomings, I know that there are some men who wouldn't and would EASILY do that shit because they figured they could get away with it or worse, actually succeed in what they set out to do.

As much as this is hard for me and these are things that I'm dealing with inwardly, I don't think that you would be the type to do anything like that. There's something different about you. I cant exactly put my finger on it, but I do feel like you wouldn't do that to me. I've been wrong about this before which adds on to the initial fear I have of you, but it really does feel like you wouldn't do anything like that to me. You terrify me because it feels like I have the best chance to love and be loved the way that I've always wanted to be. I know how to love. I know how I want to be loved. I just always thought that it was an unattainable thing that was nothing more than a dream. Haven't thought for a long time that it could be a real possibility in my life again.

I know that I have my demons that I'm combating when it comes to you and I have my bouts with issues that I'm currently facing. I do know this one thing. I don't want anyone else, but you. I don't think anyone could get me the way that you do. I don't think no one could understand me the way that you do. When stuff like this comes up, you speak from a lot of "whoever is my future" whatever, and quite honestly, I can completely understand that. Who really knows what the future holds? Who knows what could happen tomorrow or down the line? I completely get it. That's not how I feel or see it though. Whatever the future holds, when it comes to me, I completely see myself facing it with you. I don't want to face the future with anyone else. You're fast becoming my favorite best friend. You're fast becoming the person I wanna share my triumphs with and tell my setbacks to. I don't need to say whoever is my person that's in my future such and such and such. I already know who I want in my future and it's you Shay. I can say that with the utmost confidence. I knew that was the case and was what I wanted when we were at your sister's house that Saturday. There was eye contact that we shared when we were outside in her backyard. I instantly knew right then and there, this is who I wanted to face life with. This is who I wanted in my corner. This is who I wanted to love forever and ever.

You scare me. Yes you do. I'm battling things that I didn't think I would again. I didn't think I would feel like this ever again, It's because of you that I'm ready to fight all of this to be better. To be better for you. Most importantly to be better for me.

Myles Kennedy of Alter Bridge once sang, "In this world of give and take, you must have faith." "Cause I see in you, more than you'll ever know." These are things that I've long since given up on, but only recently have been reignited in my heart. I want to be better. I need to better. I'm going to be better.

You cause so many feelings and emotions in me, most of which I understand, some of which I don't, but I do want to one day look you in your beautiful brown eyes and tell you, "I see in you more than you ever know." I also wanna keep looking in your beautiful brown eyes and tell you, "You need to know how it feels to be alive" because that is EXACTLY how you help and make me feel each and every day that you're in my life...

The Dragon Chronicles Book 2, Ch.4: In the Deep

" Let it wash over me, the truth I seek, let it lift my heavy heart..." - Alter Bridge

"Let me just start by saying that I absolutely LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE this fucking band. I could listen to them literally all day, everyday and NEVER get tired of them. I love everything about them. The way they build their music. How they compose it. The lyrics that permeate throughout the rhythm, the riffs, the chords, etc. I love how they can go from 0-100 on one song and then the next, it can be a chilling and beautifully sung song by the great Myles Kennedy. The melodic lyrics coupled with the legendary music writing by the best guitarist of his generation, (and my second favorite guitarist ever) Mark Tremonti. Combine that with the heart pumping bass that's provided by one, Mr. Brian Marshall and add in the final piece of this amazing puzzle, being the thrashing awesomeness that is the drummer known as "Flip," Scott Phillips and you have the SEVERELY UNDERRATED, yet totally powerful and unstoppable force that's the baddest band in the land...known as Alter Bridge." - Lincoln

I set all of that up like that because there's a point that ties into it all. I love this band so much. They've seen me through a lot of ups and downs in my life. Hell, most of this damn blog has some mention of them, a blog title or some style of one of their songs in here, or their overall influence. Myles' lyrics have reached my heart and soul on a level that I can say I haven't been reached in a long time. SOOOO imagine my surprise (not really lol) when I listened to a song that kinda relates to a little bit of what I'm going through right now, but yet, it's nothing terrible or something that makes me wanna cause destruction or any kind of mayhem.

As much as Myles can be responsible for occasionally painting a bleak picture through his wonderful lyricism, this man is also responsible for creating some of the most vivid, uplifting, inspiring lyrics. It's this one in particular that makes me feel amazing every time I hear it because it correlates to one person in particular any time I hear it. Shay, I know for a fact that you're a special one. I cant help but always smile around you anytime I feel your presence. I know that I mostly spilled my guts in "Come As You Are," but this is just mostly an appreciation entry about you because we have reached a couple of new heights and learned a little bit more about each other.

All I can say is that I'm thankful that you're in my life, Shay. You keep me laughing, on my toes, but most importantly, you keep me grounded. You make me happy. You keep me silly. You stimulate my mind in ways that I never thought I would know again. Thank you Shay. You definitely make me feel the epitome of this lyric..."When I fall in the deep, with you I see, that Heaven's never far...."

The Dragon Chronicles Book 2, Ch.3: Come As You Are

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I find myself reflecting on that a lot. That's a sentiment that's been ringing more and more true in my life lately. My friends, family, and some former love interests would say that I'm a LOT of things. Some of them may be bad. Most of them would be overwhelmingly good. There's one thing that would more than likely be a common theme in their descriptions of me. My feelings. Depending on who you are, more often than not, you know how I deal with my feelings in some way shape or form. I'm not usually the most open person, no matter how much I try to be. It's something that they find ridiculously frustrating and I completely understand why they would. Who wants to try to ask a brick wall what he's feeling? The only answer you might possibly get is cement. I'm definitely working on this more and I'm slowly, but surely openly myself up more.

One thing that I know that's an ABSOLUTE TRUTH. The things that can be said about me when it comes to my feelings is that if I give a damn about you, there's nothing that I wont do for you. No matter what it is. When my heart is in it and when I truly give a damn, there's nothing that I wont do, nothing that I wouldn't sacrifice, nothing that I wouldn't say for mine. I haven't worked out with the women of my past for reasons that falls on both parties. They say hindsight is 20/20 and of course you can always see how you could have been better once those things are behind you. It's a part of the growing and the learning. I'm so completely different than I was and how I used to be. There are some things that still do remain from my teenage years, but I definitely can see my growth from now until then. 

I owe a lot of things to the Dark Years of my life. The clarity that I now have. The better emotional intelligence that I have now. The better appreciation that I have for love and everything that it entails. A better appreciate for romance. But most of all, a better appreciation for what a relationship really means. How you should never stop doing the things you did to get her. How flirting and appreciation of them in all aspects should be commonplace and not something that should celebrated when you do something good. Above all, how they should be respected at all times and their opinions validated, regardless of whether you agree or not. 

Which is the very reason why I wrote this entry. I believe that I have found one such woman. Shay and I have known each other a little over a month. But during that month, I have never gotten to know someone so deeply in that time span. She's so insightful. Very intelligent and in tune to the world that's around her. Someone that's well versed in a plethora of a lot of different talking points. A woman who is very strong willed, opinionated, open minded, and goal oriented. She's a kind spirit with a beautiful heart and a caring soul. She's one of those people that no matter how you're feeling, when you get around her, you can feel her spirit of happiness and it immediately makes you happy. She's a woman who brings good energy no matter where she goes. Any kind of nervousness, anxiety, shy, or scared feelings goes completely out the window when you're around her because of her presence. She has a smile that can light up any room. You cant help but notice her energy. She's a light that this world sorely needs. 

Shay, I've been trying to find the words to write this entry all day. I wanted to do some kind of story element and tie us into it. I thought about incorporating us into a song again. I even tried to tie us into The Matrix somehow. I definitely could have, it just required me to think harder than I felt like at the time (even though something like that is definitely not off the table). I wanted to be clever and put us in the backdrop of a story that could parallel us. I realize that that's not needed right now, and what truly is is me speaking from the heart on this one. Shay, you are a PHENOMENAL woman! You are genuine. Sweet to the core. Amazing in every aspect. You're a hilarious woman. Someone that definitely keeps me laughing anytime we talk. You're a person that helps me to look at the other side of things. Someone who can present her side and we talk about it and can truly see where the other is coming from. Someone who helps me discover things and places that I didn't know about previously. I appreciate how you're still trying to convince me that guacamole is acceptable (side note: it still ISN'T). I love the firecracker that you can be when you hit your adrenaline rush, even when you do bully people into getting on things like the Whizzer lmao.

Although Ive yet to see it, I know that I'm gonna appreciate your competitive side. You'll motivate me to want to bring out the best in me when you do decide you wanna try to beat me in a game lol. In all seriousness, the things that I appreciate the most is your heart. How full of joy it is. How full of love it is. How full of happiness it is. It's something that would get my shadowy figure ass out of the dark more lol. I also appreciate your mind. The endless things that we engage in, no matter how small, no matter how big. We can literally talk about anything, hence why you're always yelling at me to go to sleep lol. 

Getting to know you over this last month has been both a privilege and an honor for me. I've been so captivated by you on so many levels. You've been that piece of artwork that you cant stop staring at because it has you entranced in its spell. You've been that song that I cant stop listening to over and over no matter how much it's been played or how old it is because you love the song that much. You've been that football game that I immersed myself in because of how much I love the game. You've been that sunset that I cant take my eyes off of. That lightning storm that's dazzled the sky that I cant stop watching. You've been the rain shower that I just have to immerse myself in, and you know how much I love the rain. You've just been apologetically you and I fall a little more each day that I talk to you.

The great Kurt Cobain from Nirvana once sang, "Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be." I couldn't agree more with those lyrics. I just want you to come as you are. I wouldn't dare judge you, couldn't dare judge you, and I see no reason to. You're just as open to me as I am to you. You take the time to understand me just like I do for you and because of that, you've quickly shot to the top of the list of people that I have to talk to at least once a day. You're easy to talk to. You're fun to talk to. You're fun to be around. I can be myself around you. I can be comfortable around you. I can let my guard down around you. You make it easy. Thank you. I care more for you than you realize and I hope it grows even more from there. 

Come as you are, Shay. Come as you are, as you were, how we want each other to be...

The Dragon Chronicles Book 2, Ch.2: The Witness

*A bright flash and a loud boom occurs* A little bit of time passes and the same thing happens again. *Bright flash and this time, a moderate boom that drags out* 

It's raining here. It's such a beautiful thing to me. So soothing. So calming. I love listening to the rain hit against the house. I personally love to drive by the lakefront when it's storming and take it all in. The comfortable breeze. The amazingly earthy smell of the rain falling. The natural firework show that nature is putting on in the form of lightning and thunder. I cant think of too many things that get much better than this. It's always during these times that I find myself looking towards the horizon of the lake, looking at the storm gain a bit of strength over the lake and, if I'm lucky, I’ll usually wait for the back half of the storm to come through and provide more rain for me. The calmness of this moment brings forth so much serenity in my spirit. Almost like I'm living in a dreamworld where there's nothing but peace. Harmonious peace. It's in this moment, that I'm brought to this world and it's often very bright, but I can reshape this world into anything I want. 

So, 'Describe to me a dream...' It's simple. We're in Bali. We've enjoyed the day and did all our tourist things. It's night and it's a gorgeous night out. We've eaten amazingly. We've laughed and joked and we've zip lined through the forest 'where fear is buried deep.' We caught a local show 'Where Fire Clears the Way,' the fire wizard was dazzling, doing all sorts of tricks that had everyone deeply enthralled and captivated. Almost like he was a shepherd there to 'lead the errant sheep.' It was something that was interesting to watch, but something that I wasn't too much interested in, mostly because of the beautiful woman that was standing next to me and my interest in her. We decide to leave the show and walk back down the ocean walk, taking in the almost Van Gogh painted skyline that the Earth granted us to see, an absolutely beautiful sunset. Looking at the one of the important life bloods of our world dip below the horizon, you could see how it 'followed closely to the line.' The one thing that I wanted you to see, that you ended up looking at me crazy for was me pulling out 2 pairs of solar eclipse glasses. You asked why would you need those and I responded, 'Wear your Blinders.' "You'll love looking at the sun like this because it will block out everything else except that and you could see the Sun in its full glory." As you put them on and stared in disbelief at how beautiful the sun was through your glasses, something in my head whispered to me, 'Listen to the devils in your mind.' 

I couldn't for the life of me figure out why that was a thought that crossed my mind, but I paid no attention to it and went back to enjoying my time with you as if nothing had just happened and us enjoying the beautiful scenery that was around us. With the setting of one celestial body, came the rising with another. The full moon rising was completely awe inspiring. We both wanted to get closer to seeing outside of our hotel room that was on the ocean, so we ran to the ledge to take in all of the beauty of it. As I'm sitting there watching this beautiful rising moon, I see the happiness on your beautiful face myself. It's at this point I'm realizing that we have yet to kiss each other by this point, and it hit me that 'the ledge is narrow still" and that I'm nervous as fuck about doing it. I know that my 'knees are old and weak' and all, but kissing you seems like a big ass deal. ONLY because I want it to be perfect. I know that there's no such thing as such, but the way that it plays out in my dreams, you look at me after it's over and decide to go in for another because you liked that one so much. 'And in the air a chill' comes over us, but not because it was cool outside. But because talking to you and looking at you brings me butterflies and gives me goosebumps because I simply adore you and cant get enough of you. Being in your presence is such an exhilarating thing. I love your laugh. I love how attentive you are. I can't help but be enamored with your smile. It's amazingly tantalizing and I cant get enough of it. As we continued our usually all over the place conversation, we were interrupted by a loud boom. We jumped up and looked out to see what was going on and we were greeted to a spectacular light show over our hotel, that with the backdrop of the full moon behind it, looked gorgeous. 'A chasm wide and deep' that was worth the interruption. 

Once again, in my head, a voice was saying to me, "Follow closely to the line...wear your blinders, listen to the devils in your mind. I couldn't understand what any of that meant, but it did finally strike me as something important that I needed to heed and that I needed to take hold of. It played over and over and over in my head while the fireworks were blasting off. Yes, they were absolutely beautiful and I did my oohs and ahhs, but that particular phrase just kept replaying over and over in my head. Just then, while you were still watching the fireworks, I heard a lady scream out to her friend, "TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH AND LIVE BEFORE YOU DIE!!" It was just then as I heard that that I remembered something that's stayed with me all this time. "The present isn't safe. Seconds crash like waves brought on by the tide." It was there that everything clicked and I knew what I had to do. 

As you were still enjoying the light show, I walk up to you, look you deep in your beautiful brown eyes. I lose myself in them a little bit before I get my courage up to slowly and sensually, give you a kiss. You must have wondered what the fuck took me so damn long because you wrapped your arms around my head and gave me one hell of a passionate embrace as you kissed me deeply. Us sharing a kiss under the moonlight, with the fireworks and ocean in the backdrop, in Bali of all places, is a dream. A fairly recent dream, but it's still the one I see when I'm transported to that place. 

As the storm passes and I come back to reality, I can still feel that kiss on my lips as if it happened just moments ago. It felt so real. It still feels so real. It's a dream that I can constantly recall. It makes me smile every time I think about it. This entry right here is 'The Witness' to it...

The Dragon Chronicles Book 2, Ch.1: In the Air Tonight

You know, I'll be honest. There are some days that I don't know exactly what's going through your head. You're like an conundrum, wrapped in an enigma, covered in a puzzle. It's hard to get a read on you. Your indecisive nature is both maddening, yet adorable. Why you're like this, I have no idea and I probably will never know. I do know one thing though. When you do decide on something, nothing will keep you from doing exactly what you decided that you want to do.

This very reason is exactly why I can recall with perfect clarity a particular decision of yours that damn near killed me, but was the greatest feeling EVER. Do you hear me?! EVER!! (cue up the Spice Adams voice) Haha...

I remember us driving up Lake Shore Drive that very night. It was such a beautiful night. A night that we were able to drive from the south side of the Lake all the way up to the north side with the windows down and the sunroof back and just enjoy the breeze off the lake. I remember us talking about how much the Bears were gonna do this and how I kept saying that I'll believe it when I see it. We talked about how much we liked the fireworks that were shot off at the Pier and how much you just wanted to enjoy the night and just drive around the city to enjoy the scenery. Just riding with you is some of the most pleasing, relaxing, and intimate moments that I greatly enjoy. If only I was prepared for what was coming next.

I'm not sure when or how it happened, but I do know I remember the sight of what I was looking at and it was making my dick grow more and more erect by the second. Looking at you caress yourself so sensually and seductively is enough to drive almost any man crazy, but looking at you rubbing your pussy and how more and more wet you were getting by the minute quickly made it hard (pun intended) to concentrate on driving and just focus all of my energy on you and what was going on in the passenger seat. It was then that you decided it was a good idea for me to feel how wet you were and how much more you were becoming. Dear God babe! You were soaking, dripping, submerging me in your essence and had me craving more! I easily slipped a couple of fingers in and with so much of your juices flooding your panties, it was actually amazing that they didn't drip right through the beautiful, cleavage laden dress you had on.

Your soft sensual moans were driving me crazy! Just listening to how much you were enjoying my fingers going in and out your deliciously soaked pussy definitely sounded like the stirring of some EXTRA bomb ass macaroni and cheese (no, not Cracker Barrel). I felt your pussy contracting around my fingers and I knew what was to come (once again, pun intended) next. The ecstasy that came across your face and that exploded out of you was orgasm inducing in and of itself. Me, being that man that I am, just HAD, HAD to taste you and let me tell you. That particular slurpee that we love, you tasted 15x better than that! I couldn't get enough of your cum. Licking and sucking you off of my fingers to make sure that I didn't miss a single drop of your delicious nectar. I'm utterly convinced that your cum is the nectar of life. At least my life lol.

After your state of bliss had subsided, a determined, almost sexually deviant look draped across your face. In your most sexiest, seductive voice, you said, "Pull over somewhere." I didn't hesitate to honor that request. As we drove around while I was looking for the most secluded area that we could park, you couldn't wait, as you started to undo my belt and pants right there. I couldn't help but be turned on even more because I've never seen you with such fervor in your eyes. Ive never seen you with so much aggression. Hell I was damn close to just stopping in the middle of the intersection and just letting you do what you do what it do. After driving for a little bit, we found this little secluded parking area and an area of it was incredibly poorly lit...EXACTLY what we were looking for. We quickly got into the backseat of the car and as soon as I close my door, you immediately pounced on me. I don't know where all of this aggression was coming from, but I definitely need you to be like this more often from now on because this right here?! I can get down with this right here. The passionate kissing. Your aggression. How much you literally wouldn't take your hands out of my pants and massaging my dick while passionately kissing me. I can definitely say that YOU...ARE...DEFINITELY...your sun sign lol.

Feeling me grow in your hands and with your extremely sensual way of how you were stroking me, all it did was just make me putty in your hands. Not to wait a second longer for what you wanted, you pull down my pants with my dick staring you in the face. Taking it in your hand, you slowly lick all over the shaft. Licking up and down, kissing each side of the shaft all the way down and back up to the head...when I tell you my eyes were in the back of my head because it felt so damn good. Feeling this way and knowing that you haven't even gotten started yet made me feel some kind of way because I didn't know what I was in for. Slowly taking the head in your mouth looking directly at my face and how I was being sent to a land of pleasure Ive been wanting to visit for a while now. As you took more and more of me in your mouth, I felt waves and waves of pleasure wash all over me. Goosebumps didn't do it justice. As you began to get your rhythm going up and down my shaft, there was a clear difference than what I saw in porn or felt before from others. You clearly love what you do and love how it makes me feel. I feel that in how you expertly use your tongue to circle my dick. How you know when to switch up your speeds. How much you take the time to tease it a little bit and jerk me off before you go back to skillfully sucking my dick.

I couldn't help but to writhe in ecstasy and grab your head to slowly start face fucking you. With the wetness you were creating with the heavy amount of saliva (fuck yes btw) and how amazingly you were sucking my dick, I couldn't help myself. Unlike other experiences, there was no need to keep this up for long because you wanted the ultimate pleasure in taking my soul away (your words lol). The least I could do was hold your hair for you while you demonstrated your soul taking abilities, but even still, you wouldn't even let me do that as you had a hair scrunchy on standby and without taking me out of your mouth, skillfully, swiftly, and quickly, put your hair into a ponytail and got back to the amazingness that was this head session. I knew I couldn't keep up holding back much forever and somehow you must have sensed that. You started picking up the tempo, stroking and sucking with much more intensity. Like a true master of her craft. My eyes rolled in the back of my head as I tried to fight off the approach orgasm that I knew was getting close to the point of no return. As I felt that moment draw closer and closer, I announced that I was about to cum. You, not missing a single beat, said, "Cum in my mouth, daddy. I want all of it. Give me your cum. Please give it to me! Give me what I earned! Give me my cum, baby. Please cum in my mouth. Please daddy. I wanna swallow every drop of you. Give for me baby."

After hearing all of that, and how you kept sucking me, I couldn't help but blow my entire load (I know for a fact my soul was in there too) into your mouth. The sexiest part about all of that is that as I was cumming, you never broke eye contact with me and you watched nothing but orgasmic bliss all over my face and as I came to, you never took you mouth off my dick, making sure to get every single drop of cum out of me. As you could taste that there wasn't anymore coming out of me, you swallowed down all of my cum, while looking and laughing at me. I couldn't do anything but just sit there for a minute and ponder my life choices and what exactly happened to me in that moment. I wasn't sure if I had a brain in that moment since I couldn't process a damn thing, but I tried and couldn't come up with shit.

I did need to ask you where that came from. How you answered that question was so simple, yet so profound to me. You said, "You were looking so damn good when we left the Pier and as we were driving, you were sexy as fuck, and that made me horny soooooo....I wanted to suck your dick!" I asked, "Just like that, huh?" You replied, "Just...like...that..." That was easily the best head that I've gotten...by a country mile. I finally got the strength to pull up my pants and get back in the driver's seat. All I could do was just look at you with so much shock and disgust...and I loved every second of it. I didn't know that you were that freaky and nasty and best believe I will be getting my revenge back for this. But in the meantime, as we're driving back down Lake Shore Drive, and you are laying on my shoulder as we're driving back home, all I can do is just kiss your head and your forehead because I'm happy that such a blessing that is you is someone I can call mine.

BUT...MAKE NO MISTAKE...I WILL be getting you back and you should know...Revenge is coming...*insert evil Peter Griffin laugh*

Hotel California

I never saw it coming. I didn't think this was a thing that could possibly happen. It was completely left field and, to be totally honest, I'm glad it happened. You never know what could be the end result once the dust settles on a situation that's exploded. It could be something incredibly horrible. It could also be something completely amazing. I never thought something like this would happen to me, but I gotta say, like I always do in a time like this, "What fortuitous fate be this!" The timing was almost eerie, but it later became a blessing in disguise.

First, some background. I've known Kitty Kat for a few months. We had been talking back and forth over the course of a couple of months, getting to know each other and we ended up becoming pretty close. We came from similar upbringings and we had similar interests in the things we like to do. We've hung out a couple of times and it feels like that we've known each other forever. Like we've met in a past lifetime. We hung out by the lakefront and just talked. It was amazing how forthcoming and how transparent she was. How knowledgeable she was. All we would do is sit there and marvel at how beautiful the skyline was and how beautiful this planet was as a whole. It was always an amazing time. 

Fast forward to last Sunday. The reason was revealed to me why Redd's feelings changed. Why her demeanor toward me changed. Why she was so talkative, wanting, and needing of me from my birthday for an entire week until the beginning of the next and how she just did a complete 180 and started treated me the same way she's accustomed to. When I found out why she was doing it and that she was turning to saying fuck me all over again and enjoying herself, I won't lie, I completely lost my shit lol. It was bad at the moment, and it was something that filled me with so much rage, anger, and hurt. I genuinely wanted to break everything that was in my general line of sight and if that included people, I didn't care. I was that hurt. I was tired of being angry, tired of being played again. Tired of that fucking shit man!!

So, imagine the surprise I felt, when I looked at my phone and got a text from Kitty Kat. She asked me how I was doing and what was I doing. The mood I was in I couldn't hold back, and I told her everything. Probably should have been a bit calmer about it, but I couldn't contain myself. I unleashed! I've never experienced such rage come out of me while talking before and I have gone OFF before! Kitty Kat didn't mind though. She was incredibly patient, incredibly kind, and totally understanding of my mindset and just let me vent. The thing that did surprise me about the conversation though is when she told me that she was here in the city and that she wanted to see me. Also, because, and I'm quoting her here, she "didn't want me to be alone."

I agreed and I stormed out of the house. She wanted to meet me at the lakefront, as we did those couple of times before especially since it was so nice out all day. As I was on my way there, all I could think about was my hurt and anger and how I wanted to bash both of their faces in. She had something else on hers, but I would learn what that was much later. We both arrived, her a little bit after I did, and she quickly jumped out of her car to embrace me. I couldn't remember the last time that I was hugged so tightly and with so much love and tenderness. But as we embraced, I forgot about what I was so mad about and all I was able to do was focus on her. It was crazy that all of that fire. All of that rage that I had was just gone. Like a raging fire was just put out. She was able to get me to laugh and open up and it was like we just picked up where we left off. After hours of just talking and shared laughs, she asked what I was gonna do for the rest of the night. I told her that I wasn't gonna do nothing except for take a nap so I could get up and go riding around the city like I usually do every Sunday night. She had a different plan and asked me if I would come back to her hotel room to hang out and for her to "supposedly" beat me in Madden (yeah fucking right lol). I took her up on her challenge and decided to make the drive back to her hotel room. She told me to also go get an overnight bag. I didn't think too much of it in that moment, but THAT'S where things took the turn that they did. 

When we arrived back at her hotel around 11 that night. As I walked in, I first recognized that it was a nice damn room. Then again, Kitty Kat is definitely one to indulge in luxury, so I wasn't surprised lol. So as we began to unwind and I got ready to hurt her damn feelings on this game, she gets up to tell me that she'll be right back and she's gonna go take a shower. As she was in the shower, I was chilling and just looking out the window when it hit me, "Is she thinking what I think she is? NAH, she couldn't be. As many times as she hit me with the friend title, is THAT what she really wants?" She came out of the shower, smelling AMAZING!! It literally made me melt with how good she smelled. The black silk robe she had on just made her look that much more tantalizing. I picked up on the vibe that was in the room, and I decided to hop in the shower myself because it seems like things were gonna go in that direction (and because I like smelling good too lol). I emerged from the bathroom, not smelling too bad my damn self (shout out to Bath and Body Works Noir body wash and lotion). She decided to embrace me again with a hug and this time, she wouldn't let me go. I noticed that she wouldn't stop smelling me and I'm like, "What are you doing? lol" she said she couldn't help it and I just smelled so good (low key I was doing the same, but she ain't had to know all that lol). 

As we go to sit down and actually start playing, she goes to sit on my lap as we are waiting on the loading screen to get started. I can't lie, a gorgeous woman sitting on your lap with nothing but a robe on is more than enough to get a man on the rise, if you know what I mean. As we're playing, she's doing noticeable women unfairness. You know, grinding on you, twerking in front of you, kissing your forehead, that stuff. At the start of the second quarter, that she was losing by the way, she paused the game. Puzzled, I asked what was going on. She turned to me and just stared for a second. We looked at each other for a minute or two, and then without warning, she proceeded to give me the deepest, most passionate kiss I've had in a long time. Our hands traveled everywhere all over our bodies as we shared our deep kiss with the intensity ramping up even more. She stopped for a moment and looked me dead in my eyes. She told me that she has been wanting this since she's met me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was HIGHLY thrilled by it, but I couldn't believe it. We kissed deeply again, not breaking for a second, even as I flipped her over onto her back. I lowered my kisses down her neck, slowly teasing her and raising her anticipation for my next move. I raised back up to kiss her deeply as I slowly undid her robe, revealing her amazing body. My kisses slowly traveled down, deliberately taking my time, exploring every single inch of this woman. While caressing her body all over, I began to kiss and lick gently around her right breast while using one hand to caress her left breast and the other to feel how wet she was getting with all that was happening in the moment. Needless to say, Niagara Falls ain't got shit on this woman, but I digress. 

After pleasuring her right breast and nipple, I turned my attention (and my tongue) to the left one while switching hands from her left to her right breast and my other free one raising back up to her mouth to let her taste herself off my fingers. After sucking herself dry off of my fingers, I slid my hand back down, rubbing her ever growing and throbbing clit. Seeing her grind all over my fingers and hearing her incredibly sexy moan was turning me on even more and I just couldn't wait to have her. BUT, before that, I NEEDED to have a taste of her. I NEEDED to. I had to. I craved it so damn bad. I took my tongue off of her nipple and directed my kisses down her chest, down her stomach, making sure that I also kiss her sides as well. I told you I had to explore this woman lol. As I got down and was ready to open her legs to drown in what has now become an ocean down there, I looked back up at her and the look I was greeted with was one of sheer pleasure, bliss, and anticipation. I opened her legs and slowly kissed up and down her left thigh, looking at her bite her lips. I licked, kissed, lightly sucked, and even gently bit my way back up to her pussy, preparing to get my taste, BUT just to deny her for a little longer, I prepared to do the same to her right thigh that I did to her left. Kitty Kat's kitty kat couldn't take anymore and she literally grab my head and shoved it right into her pussy. I died laughing at her aggressiveness and she couldn't help but burst out in laughter also. After laughing about that moment for a couple minutes, her face turned from laughter back to passion, as did mine.

She caressed my face as I lowered my head and got the chance to finally got to taste her sweet cream. I licked along her pussy lips, listening to her let out soft, sweet moans as I was getting closer and closer to wrapping my tongue around her clit. As the moment we both were waiting for was ever so close, I stopped. When I tell you this woman legit gave me the look of death. If looks could kill, I would have died the moment I stopped because she was instantly looking at me. She was clearly in heat and she fumed at me while asking why did I stop? I told her it was way too bright in the room and I wanted to dim the lights for better ambiance. Once she realized that, she agreed and once I dimmed the lights, the difference was both hella noticeable and looked as though that shit turned her on x10 because there she was, rubbing her pussy and asking me to come eat her pussy. I got back on my knees and I decided that I wouldn't torture her any longer. 

I kissed and licked my way back up her pussy, slowly sticking my tongue in her pussy and gently fucking her with it while my thumb gently caressed her swollen clit. Those sweet, soft, and gentle moans soon became ever increasing, louder, and stronger. I finally got to her wanting and patiently waiting clit. I slowly began wrapping my tongue around her awaiting pearl, gently kissing and sucking on it. She let out the loudest moan as she was finally satisfied and happy that the anticipation was over, and she could enjoy the glorious bliss that she was long waiting for. As I began to pick up the intensity with how I was enjoying the meal in front of me, I began to realize I wasn't focused on her anymore. I was eating her pussy for my pleasure. Hearing her moans were simply the part of the enjoyment I had, but I was more focused on claiming my reward from her in the form of her orgasm. Her moans becoming more frequent, more closely together, and much more intense only let me further know what her body was already screaming out to me. She was getting close to one hell of an orgasm. Me, understanding this, kept up the intensity and I repositioned myself on the bed, not for one second taking my tongue off her clit. I slid my fingers inside of her and told her to "come here" IYKYK, *wink. * She tried as long as she could to hold back her eruption, but she couldn't no longer. She gushed and came all over my face and completely soaked the lower half of the bed.

I still wouldn't let up and I kept sucking and fingering her sweet tasting pussy. All she could do was continue moaning and cumming while trying to push me off of her. After cumming for her final time, she finally used what strength she had to push me off her and collapse on the bed. I came up wiping my face, devouring every drop of her cum. She tasted crazy good. I went over to her side of the bed just wanting to look at her to see if she was OK. I was greeted with a big smile, a lowkey sexy laugh, a barrage of "fuck yous," and a middle finger lmao. I couldn't help but cry laughing. She swore to me that she would get her revenge once she recovered. I figured she wouldn't be able to move for a minute because she tried to move around, but her legs and body kept betraying her on her way to the bathroom lol. Looking back now, I kind of wish I didn't underestimate the brevity of her recovery time with so much bravado. She came out of the bathroom like a demon on a warpath. She jumped on me with such fervor that I didn't know how to react for a split second. She looked me in the eye and told me that usually she would have tried to take my soul. But because I did what I did to her, she had to have me, and she had to make me "pay." I'll say this, I kind of wished she would have sucked my dick longer because it was amazing, but she did end up paying me back that gift later on that night, but that's a entry for another time. 

She climbed on top of me, and we shared another passionate, intense kiss. As we kissed deeply, she slowly slid me in her. Gasping at me sliding in her inch by inch, she let out soft moans into my mouth as we kissed, and she was being filled up. Once she took me all in, she let out a loud moan and threw her head back in pure ecstasy. She began building her rhythm as she started grinding and rolling her hips. Just the look of it was a pleasure only bested by how amazing she felt. She was so wet. So tight. She was able to constrict and loosen her walls at will and it drove me CRAZY. It threw me into the throngs of heavenly euphoria. It was something that I haven't felt in years. The only other woman who was able to make me feel like this is, ironically, the same one who caused this meeting on the pleasure astral plane between Kitty Kat and myself in the first place, but again, I digress. I got to give this woman credit. She...is...TALENTED! I couldn't believe what was happening to me. I was losing my fucking mind at how amazing this woman felt. I felt myself getting close and I wasn't about to give this lady the satisfaction of revenge! I quickly grabbed her and picked her up to press her up against the wall. I began stroking the hell out of her bomb ass pussy while she moaned in my ear. I felt her dripping down my leg as she started cumming all over again. From that point on, we were all over the room. The bed. The bathroom. The sitting room. The couch. The window in a move I like to dub the "Nightcrawler." (hey Katt Williams said have your own signature move AND a dismount so, that's mine dammit lol)

We get back to the bed and after all that energy expelled (and multiple orgasms from each of us), we both collapse. She looks over at me with the biggest, most cutest smile on her face. I couldn't help but kiss her again. We shared a tender kiss as she begins to move closer to me. She wrapped her legs around me as we kept indulging in our kiss. I slid myself back into pure euphoria once more. Once again, her wetness amazed me. I kinda almost understand why Paris took Helen and started the Trojan War (keyword here: almost). I could do nothing but stare her as I slow stroked her pussy, watching her, in throws of ecstasy, cream me something crazy and begin squirting all over my dick. While in the midst of another orgasm, she opened her green eyes and stared deep into mine. It was a surreal, serene, yet ridiculously fucking hot moment experienced between the 2 of us. She kissed me deep and wrapped her legs tighter around me and began begging for my cum. She looked me deep in my eyes and told me she needed it. She had to have it. She wanted it. She craved it. She wanted her reward. She didn't care where I came, she just wanted her reward. She pulled me close into her and started kissing my neck and whispering in my ear how much she wanted me to cum. How bad she wanted me to cum. All of this shit is ASTRONOMICALLY sexy and I couldn't hold out for very much longer. As I got closer to cumming, she had one more orgasm, creaming and squirting all over my dick and on me. I came as hard as I could all over her stomach that I was pretty sure that was the rest of my life essence and I was dead lol. 

We collapsed on the bed for a little bit and then turned and looked at each other. We had no idea that this was gonna happen, let alone the intensity of the moment. She ended up falling asleep in my arms and I drifted off slowly after that. I didn't think that a day that started off the way that it did would end up turning into the night that it became. I didn't think that Kitty Kat was into me like that. Clearly this night proved me wrong. I wont say that I know what's gonna happen between me and her, but like I do with most things in my life, I let them all play out to their inevitable conclusions, with a bit of choice direction here and there. Kitty Kat was already a bomb ass friend. This feels like the start of something more. There's a new dawn on the horizon. I, for one, cant wait to see what it brings...

My Last Goodbye

What's up, Blogger? It's been a while. I didn't mean for it to be this long of an absence. I'll definitely do a better job of getting back on here more consistently. Well, for me, I've celebrated another day of birth back in April, (happy birthday to me), I've gotten another push at work, and I've pretty much become a better, more happier person than I used to be. I also ran into a woman, who's has probably become a staple on this blog also, lol. Yeah, I ran back into Redd again. She wished me happy birthday and we got to talking again, and once again, I thought that there was a feeling. An inkling. Some kind of hope against hope that she has finally come to her senses and she's gonna choose me once and for all and we can finally be together and be happy together. Well, because I'm writing this entry, that obviously didn't happen. I'll be lying to myself, if I said that I wasn't hurt. I'll be lying if I said that I didn't feel disappointment and sadness. I'll be lying if I said that I didn't feel anything at all this time.

The thing that was different this time was a feeling of being tired. A feeling of being fed up. Feelings of being exhausted of riding the same ride, going through the same motions, and hearing the same things over and over about how it's different this time and how much better it's gonna be, and how I'll make sure it will never happen again. Some have said that 10 years is WAYYY too long of a time to be dealing with something like this and, quite frankly, those people are right. I should have never invested all of me into a person who has known that she either couldn't have or just simply wouldn't want to give me back everything that I poured into her. I wanna be angry. I wanna be more hurt than I am. I want to be pissed off. I wanna shout and scream and cuss and yell. I wanna do all those things because they would show that I still love her and that I still care immensely for her. It would show that I STILL WANT YOU!! It would show that I would fight for you until the end of time.

Interestingly enough, those feelings have not changed. I still love you immensely. I still care wholeheartedly. I will still fight for you until the end of time. I still care about your well being and that your kids are taken care of and if I could help in any kind of way, I still will. The thing that's different now is that I'm tired. I'm tired of not being wanted by you. I'm tired of being caught up in your words. I'm tired of this game that you play. I'm tired of being your play thing and someone that you can disregard when you KNOW my feelings for you and that I would stop at nothing to make sure that you're good, safe, and cared for. That shit isn't fair to me. It's selfish as fuck and you know that as well.

I've given up a lot of people for you. Women that wanted me and gave more of a damn about me in a week than you have in 10 years. Women who have seen the best in me. Women who have wanted the best for me. I know and I completely understand the things you've been through in your life. I completely understand the males who have also ruined parts of you that's influenced your thought processes sometimes also. It's fucked up. It's horrible and I get it. But at some point, accountability has to be a thing and you have to take responsibility to change some of the things in you. To see some of the patterns that have happened in your life, so you can see when an "ain't shit" dude is showing some of the same patterns that those that have hurt you have shown to make a better decision. I don't call myself a good man because I know that I have asshole tendencies and I know that I could end up hurting someone without that being my intention. For all of my bad tendencies and ability to be an asshole, the one thing that no one can argue is the fact that I have a good heart and nobody can ever say that I was never there for them in their hour of need when they called upon me. No matter who or what it was. Not even you.

You told me that you would always run from me because you weren't use to good men in your life. I used to think that was a bunch of horse shit and that that was just another lie for you to tell me for me to have sympathy for you in the hopes that it would keep me around you longer. Well I think it's still bullshit, but I do know now that it was based in some truth based off what you told me. But I know some reasons that you never did tell me. I know it's because nobody could call you out on your shit because you are used to calling others out on theirs because of their guilt. You've always hated when I told you the truth and been brutally honest with you. It's the only way I know how to be with you and, should something change in the future, that still wont change. It's the only way to get you to see where you're wrong and where you need to correct things to help yourself become the best person that you can be. My intention was never to hurt you or belittle you, but always to help you grow as a person and to find yourself. Something you've needed for a while.

Like I said, I'm hurt, sad, and disappointed. But it's not my usual feelings when it comes to you. I've been angry that I've let you walk all over me and that I've let you take me for granted and for that, I stand on my own 2 and say that's on me. I should have never allowed that kind of behavior to take place the way that it did and for as long as it did. I should have never allowed anyone to toy with me the way that I let you. I wanna hate you forever. I want to wish that I never met you. I want to say you're such a horrible person for everything that you've done to me. I can't and I wont. Why? It's very simple and it's something that's been repeated on here, to anyone that would have listened to me, and especially to you. Simply put. I love you. But that's where that needs to stop. I'll love you forever. That's something that will never change with me, even after I take my last breath. But I cant keep doing this to myself. I don't deserve it and you cant just keep coming into my life when you feel like it, when you're feeling bored, or if you see me too happy and want to change that.

I cant keep letting you do these things to me. I've been mulling over doing this for a while now because I don't think you will truly understand my impact in your life if I'm always around or you can always run back to me whenever you want and I keep letting you. I would have never pegged you for a liar, but that's also because people never gave you the credit you deserve. In this regard, neither did I. If there was someone that you never had to lie to, I would have hoped that I would have been that person because I've never given you a reason to lie to me or a reason to hold things from me. I'm a big boy. If you had something to say, say it freely. Yes, my feelings could probably be hurt, but I know how to suck that shit up and keep it moving. You've been a key catalyst in me learning that ability, so I would have been fine. If there's someone you've been interested in or someone you wanted to fuck or did, who the hell was I? I wasn't your man. I'm still not. You were and are free to do whatever you want. If you couldn't give me the love and affection that I wanted, the least you could have done was just simply be a friend.

The thing that hurts me most of all about this is I have to lose a friend. Someone who has known me for a long time. Someone who I confided in. Someone who knows about my past and never once saw me as an horrible person for the things I've done. It hurts that I have to lose a person that has such a huge part of my heart and will always occupy that part forever. I never would have thought that this would be the road that we ended up down. It has to be done though because I cant keep letting you do what you do to me and I'm the only one who has to pay the consequences of it.

This is my last goodbye. My last breath on a candle that's been running out of wax every time you kept reigniting it. Maybe in a different lifetime or alternate universe we're together and happy. Maybe we tried and broke up and never spoke again. Maybe we tried, and decided that it truly was better to just stay friends. Maybe we don't even know each other in that alternate universe. All I know is that in this one, this is what happened between us. It's a tragic end to what looked to be a promising story. I know that it wont affect you and I've already become an afterthought in your mind and in your life, but in mine, it's a tragic fall for a woman I held in such high regard. Maybe I shouldn't have put you on such a high pedestal. Maybe I should have long reciprocated that which you gave me. Either way, the final nail in the coffin has been hammered down and it's now being laid to rest.

I'll mourn our friendship. I know that there will be hard days. I know there will be times that I'm sad. I know there will be times that I will want to talk to you and hear your voice. Those times will be there. But just like those times will be there, there will be times where I can see myself getting better. Where I can see myself becoming stronger. Where I see my energy returning. Where I see myself truly letting go. Maybe in the next lifetime, we can try again and be together. Maybe in some kind of cosmic karma, the universe brings you back to me and you've done a complete 180. You'll truly understand me and understand what I was to you. You'll finally give me the love and affection I've wanted from you. You can truly give to me like I've always given to you. If that day is on the horizon, I'll meet you there and we can try this again. But until that miraculous day, I'm sorry it had to come to this. This is goodbye. For the last time. I love you, Redd. If it's fated so, I'll see you in the next lifetime...