One thing that I know that's an ABSOLUTE TRUTH. The things that can be said about me when it comes to my feelings is that if I give a damn about you, there's nothing that I wont do for you. No matter what it is. When my heart is in it and when I truly give a damn, there's nothing that I wont do, nothing that I wouldn't sacrifice, nothing that I wouldn't say for mine. I haven't worked out with the women of my past for reasons that falls on both parties. They say hindsight is 20/20 and of course you can always see how you could have been better once those things are behind you. It's a part of the growing and the learning. I'm so completely different than I was and how I used to be. There are some things that still do remain from my teenage years, but I definitely can see my growth from now until then.
I owe a lot of things to the Dark Years of my life. The clarity that I now have. The better emotional intelligence that I have now. The better appreciation that I have for love and everything that it entails. A better appreciate for romance. But most of all, a better appreciation for what a relationship really means. How you should never stop doing the things you did to get her. How flirting and appreciation of them in all aspects should be commonplace and not something that should celebrated when you do something good. Above all, how they should be respected at all times and their opinions validated, regardless of whether you agree or not.
Which is the very reason why I wrote this entry. I believe that I have found one such woman. Shay and I have known each other a little over a month. But during that month, I have never gotten to know someone so deeply in that time span. She's so insightful. Very intelligent and in tune to the world that's around her. Someone that's well versed in a plethora of a lot of different talking points. A woman who is very strong willed, opinionated, open minded, and goal oriented. She's a kind spirit with a beautiful heart and a caring soul. She's one of those people that no matter how you're feeling, when you get around her, you can feel her spirit of happiness and it immediately makes you happy. She's a woman who brings good energy no matter where she goes. Any kind of nervousness, anxiety, shy, or scared feelings goes completely out the window when you're around her because of her presence. She has a smile that can light up any room. You cant help but notice her energy. She's a light that this world sorely needs.
Shay, I've been trying to find the words to write this entry all day. I wanted to do some kind of story element and tie us into it. I thought about incorporating us into a song again. I even tried to tie us into The Matrix somehow. I definitely could have, it just required me to think harder than I felt like at the time (even though something like that is definitely not off the table). I wanted to be clever and put us in the backdrop of a story that could parallel us. I realize that that's not needed right now, and what truly is is me speaking from the heart on this one. Shay, you are a PHENOMENAL woman! You are genuine. Sweet to the core. Amazing in every aspect. You're a hilarious woman. Someone that definitely keeps me laughing anytime we talk. You're a person that helps me to look at the other side of things. Someone who can present her side and we talk about it and can truly see where the other is coming from. Someone who helps me discover things and places that I didn't know about previously. I appreciate how you're still trying to convince me that guacamole is acceptable (side note: it still ISN'T). I love the firecracker that you can be when you hit your adrenaline rush, even when you do bully people into getting on things like the Whizzer lmao.
Although Ive yet to see it, I know that I'm gonna appreciate your competitive side. You'll motivate me to want to bring out the best in me when you do decide you wanna try to beat me in a game lol. In all seriousness, the things that I appreciate the most is your heart. How full of joy it is. How full of love it is. How full of happiness it is. It's something that would get my shadowy figure ass out of the dark more lol. I also appreciate your mind. The endless things that we engage in, no matter how small, no matter how big. We can literally talk about anything, hence why you're always yelling at me to go to sleep lol.
Getting to know you over this last month has been both a privilege and an honor for me. I've been so captivated by you on so many levels. You've been that piece of artwork that you cant stop staring at because it has you entranced in its spell. You've been that song that I cant stop listening to over and over no matter how much it's been played or how old it is because you love the song that much. You've been that football game that I immersed myself in because of how much I love the game. You've been that sunset that I cant take my eyes off of. That lightning storm that's dazzled the sky that I cant stop watching. You've been the rain shower that I just have to immerse myself in, and you know how much I love the rain. You've just been apologetically you and I fall a little more each day that I talk to you.
The great Kurt Cobain from Nirvana once sang, "Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be." I couldn't agree more with those lyrics. I just want you to come as you are. I wouldn't dare judge you, couldn't dare judge you, and I see no reason to. You're just as open to me as I am to you. You take the time to understand me just like I do for you and because of that, you've quickly shot to the top of the list of people that I have to talk to at least once a day. You're easy to talk to. You're fun to talk to. You're fun to be around. I can be myself around you. I can be comfortable around you. I can let my guard down around you. You make it easy. Thank you. I care more for you than you realize and I hope it grows even more from there.
Come as you are, Shay. Come as you are, as you were, how we want each other to be...
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