My Last Mistake

The last time I wrote on my blog, I was a 26 year dude with a hell of a lot of life experience, but still had a LOT to learn about life, love, heartbreak, and all of the like that life loves to throw at you when you're least expecting it. I definitely can say that looking back on the last 4 years of my life, I've definitely learned a lot and now that I'm in Decade 3 of my life, I do look forward to seeing what lessons life can teach me during this stretch of time, at least until I decide if I want to execute Order 23 at year 39, but that's something different for another day.

Anyway, I was sitting here listening and playing my guitar along to a song from my second favorite guitarist, Mark Tremonti, listening to his album, Dust (if you're into rock music, I highly suggest you check it out, but I digress). It's a certain song that's one of my favorites on the album, but after the day that I've had today, it's definitely stuck out a little bit more than usual in my head. Over the hard, thrashing rhythm, a couple lines in the song were able to reach me today and really make me think about a part of my life that I'm dealing with right now. The lyrics that hit me are as follows:

You provide the loss that builds inside me
Dreadful every time you wake
You're my reason why
You are my last mistake

THE FUCKING WORDS OF THIS PART OF THE SONG MAN!!! I've been dealing with this issue for the last couple of years and quite frankly, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being a stupid ass man. I'm sick of chasing after fucking women who say they want me, but their fucking actions don't line the fuck up with the bullshit they're kicking. This is in no means to say that all women are like this. Frankly, it's usually the other way around and I have absolutely no issue with admitting that men are trash when it's proven to be true. I have no issue with admitting my own shortcomings and the things that I also need and want to change about myself to become the best version of myself. To reclaim my title as the true Dragon of the West. I know how far I have to go and what it will take, but I also know how far I've come. I know what I've dealt with and the memories and heartbreaks of them are a constant reminder of why the fuck I should never go back. But here I go again, in the same fucking situation all over again. With me allowing myself to be swayed by words. ME allowing myself to be pulled back in again. Me. The same stupid muthafuckin dude that's gonna end up alone again once the rabbit does the disappearing trick down the hole again.

I'm absolutely sick of this shit. I'm fuckin 30 years young and I'm still making rookie ass teenager mistakes. Fucking mistakes that I thought I was passed. That I thought that I learned from. That I thought that I gotten passed and buried, but clearly, I haven't. I absolutely agree with the rapper, Bazanji. I want the fucking world. I want to conquer everything. I want everything I can possibly get from this planet. But I won't be able to if I'm still making these dumbass rookie mistakes in regards to trash ass women. It's like the old hood proverb says, "You'll always lose money chasing women, but you'll never lose women chasing money." I'm done chasing you. I'm FUCKING DONE looking like a goddamn fool for you. I'm fucking done putting myself out there only to be fucking in the SAME position that I've been in before. That shit ends today. You are my last mistake and I'm absolutely DONE making it.