Lincoln vs. Blade

"Have you danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?" A question that would probably not make any kind of sense to you, but to a demented son of a bitch like me, kinda makes a lot of sense. While that line is from the 1989 film, Batman (one of my personal favorites), it's something that I've carved a bit of a niche with. See, I'm a hunter and from time to time, I like to go out on the hunt. Now the difference between traditional hunting and my version is that I don't harm any prey of the lower rungs of the Animal Kingdom. I stick to the top of the food chain, where the species Homo Sapiens resides. YES, I GET A FUCKING THRILL OUT OF HUNTING THE FUCK OUT OF HUMANITY!! UNLIKE HUMANS THOUGH, I choose not to kill my prey. I don't even choose to harm them. MY version of hunting is just a simple test of my ninjutsu skills that I've been training with for the last 16 from my sensei. I've worked different elements into my hunting style that has definitely given me an edge over my prey since 2008.

Why did I even mention this in the first place? A couple reasons. The first and foremost being that I WANNA FUCKING HUNT!!! I wanna be out there in the concrete jungle. I wanna hunt in the midst of night with rain falling down all around me. I wanna tag my prey and try to catch up to them and "capture" them in the midst of honing my skills should the need arise for them later on in the future (1 of the mottos that I live by is "Chance favors the prepared mind."). The second reason is because I want to be able pass on these same skills to my children and so on and so forth, thus ensuring my legacy and legend forever lives on.

The 3rd and probably most personal reason why I mentioned it? It gives me a chance to journey inwards of myself. I and those who know me have LONG known about the second presence that inhabits my body and the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind. It gives me the chance to talk to the Joker that's in me. It gives me a better understanding of my triggers and what causes me to blackout and why I always come to with the news that I've committed some kind of unwanted destruction without my realizing it. It gives me the chance to understand that side of me and helps me in better controlling that aspect of me.

ALL IN ALL, I've always known that I'm a batshit crazy bastard. I'm the first to admit that I have issues and that I'm trying my best to deal with them and better understand them so that I can become that much better and reduce the number of relapses. I know I have my shortcomings, but I'm man enough to look myself in the mirror and look anybody in the eye and admit that shit. Can you do that?

My Last Mistake

The last time I wrote on my blog, I was a 26 year dude with a hell of a lot of life experience, but still had a LOT to learn about life, love, heartbreak, and all of the like that life loves to throw at you when you're least expecting it. I definitely can say that looking back on the last 4 years of my life, I've definitely learned a lot and now that I'm in Decade 3 of my life, I do look forward to seeing what lessons life can teach me during this stretch of time, at least until I decide if I want to execute Order 23 at year 39, but that's something different for another day.

Anyway, I was sitting here listening and playing my guitar along to a song from my second favorite guitarist, Mark Tremonti, listening to his album, Dust (if you're into rock music, I highly suggest you check it out, but I digress). It's a certain song that's one of my favorites on the album, but after the day that I've had today, it's definitely stuck out a little bit more than usual in my head. Over the hard, thrashing rhythm, a couple lines in the song were able to reach me today and really make me think about a part of my life that I'm dealing with right now. The lyrics that hit me are as follows:

You provide the loss that builds inside me
Dreadful every time you wake
You're my reason why
You are my last mistake

THE FUCKING WORDS OF THIS PART OF THE SONG MAN!!! I've been dealing with this issue for the last couple of years and quite frankly, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being a stupid ass man. I'm sick of chasing after fucking women who say they want me, but their fucking actions don't line the fuck up with the bullshit they're kicking. This is in no means to say that all women are like this. Frankly, it's usually the other way around and I have absolutely no issue with admitting that men are trash when it's proven to be true. I have no issue with admitting my own shortcomings and the things that I also need and want to change about myself to become the best version of myself. To reclaim my title as the true Dragon of the West. I know how far I have to go and what it will take, but I also know how far I've come. I know what I've dealt with and the memories and heartbreaks of them are a constant reminder of why the fuck I should never go back. But here I go again, in the same fucking situation all over again. With me allowing myself to be swayed by words. ME allowing myself to be pulled back in again. Me. The same stupid muthafuckin dude that's gonna end up alone again once the rabbit does the disappearing trick down the hole again.

I'm absolutely sick of this shit. I'm fuckin 30 years young and I'm still making rookie ass teenager mistakes. Fucking mistakes that I thought I was passed. That I thought that I learned from. That I thought that I gotten passed and buried, but clearly, I haven't. I absolutely agree with the rapper, Bazanji. I want the fucking world. I want to conquer everything. I want everything I can possibly get from this planet. But I won't be able to if I'm still making these dumbass rookie mistakes in regards to trash ass women. It's like the old hood proverb says, "You'll always lose money chasing women, but you'll never lose women chasing money." I'm done chasing you. I'm FUCKING DONE looking like a goddamn fool for you. I'm fucking done putting myself out there only to be fucking in the SAME position that I've been in before. That shit ends today. You are my last mistake and I'm absolutely DONE making it.

Dragon Rage

Holy fucking hell. I haven't been on this blog in 4 years! So much as happened. So much has changed with me,  to me,  about me, everything! I'm definitely gonna be get back on here again and getting things out that I know that I need to, otherwise I'm probably gonna blow up on the wrong person. I know that it's wrong, but I probably wont care anyway.

Anyway, to back to my return to the blog. Before I took the 4 year long hiatus, the next entry was suppose to be Dragon Reign. If I remember correctly, it was suppose to be about me and how I was coming into a place of truly accepting myself as I am and truly understanding what it meant to really be who I was becoming. Well after the events of today, I'm changing to the title to Dragon Rage. It's been an EXTREMELY long time since I've felt this rage. I haven't felt this way since my daughter died. Like I knew that I couldn't depend on certain people, but when you're the first call that 4 out of the 6 people that you swallowed your pride to call in the first place give you bullshit ass reasons why they couldn't have helped you, you start to look at them different. I literally was told by this girl named, Tiffany (fuck you with a AIDS giraffe dick, by the way) that she couldn't come to help give me a jump was because her boyfriend was coming over to fuck and since he didn't have his key, she didn't wanna miss him. She couldn't help me because, to her, DICK WAS FUCKING MORE IMPORTANT THAN A FRIEND WHO YOU FUCKING CALLED TO DEFEND YOU FROM THE SAME MUTHAFUCKA!! YOU'VE BEEN WITH THIS SON OF BITCH FOR 5 YEARS AND FOR 3 OF THEM, HE BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU AND YOU COULDN'T FUCKING BE BOTHERED WITH ME BECAUSE OF DICK?!?!?!?! FUCK YOU!! I FUCKING MEAN THAT SHIT! PLEASE don't fucking call me any fucking more.

I could get into the other 3, but that shit pissed me the fuck off so much that I don't wanna relive the shit, otherwise, I would definitely go and fuck all of these bastards up. I'm so fucking furious from that shit, but the day continued on to be worse. About an hour after I got my car started, (I had to call my father as my last resort) I got a call from my friend back home in Atlanta telling me that my childhood friend, Paco (his name is Tyler, but we all called him Paco), that I grew up with and was still very close to, had died a few hours earlier. That was a huge ass blow to a day that was already bad and that made it worse. It only got more worse as my cousin called me 45 minutes later saying that my aunt was in the hospital in critical condition because of a heart attack that she had earlier. I literally have had no support, nobody even thinking to try and even see if I'm OK. So the way the way that I look at it from here on out is FUCK! ALL! OF! YOU! MUTHAFUCKIN SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF BITCHES!!! All I know is this. You people showed me who the fuck you were today and honestly, I'm glad that you did. You've shown me that all you wanted to use me. That's OK though. Karma is a bitch and I PROMISE YOU BOO BOO!! You'll receive everything that you've given me 3fold. That's a muthafuckin promise...