When is it ever enough? When do you finally say that it's the last straw? When do you know that you should keep fighting? When do you finally just break down into tears and wonder why all this shit keeps happening? The sad part about those questions is the fact that sometimes, you just dont know and sometimes you do. Im not 1 to give up on anything that I truly put my mind to, but in certain cases, it's just a matter of why bother sometimes? I see now that I have the ability to understand and truly feel the hurt that my words, actions, or hell at times both, can cause someone. But I have also come to the realization that I truly will never be understood. I remember how much that used to burn me on the inside. I remember how much that made my heart bleed. All the tears that I wasted at night.
I'm at the point in my life now, I'll be 24 next month on April 20 (which by some crazy twist of fate, just happens to be National Weed Day also smdh lmao, but I digress) and because I soon will be, I just posed this question to myself that I'm gonna spend all of the year of 24 trying to answer (by God's grace of course), Why should I talk anymore if I'm never gonna be understood? Ok it's 2 questions lol. The other is, Why should I be honest with anyone anymore? I see what trying to be understood brings me. It brings me arguments that I can never win. It brings me anger that I dont need and in some cases, dont deserve, but that depends. It brings unnecessary stress to my life because I'm trying be understood, but I see now that I'm trying to fight a battle that I inevitably will lose.
Why be honest with people when they cant or dont wanna hear it? People know me to be as honest as I can be and for me to be as real and blunt as possible. People SAY they love that and admire that quality about me but when it comes time for me to be that way with them, it's a problem or it pisses them off or in other cases, it can even end relationships and marriages. So, I guess that I should just stop talking or simply just telling people the truth. It seems like the right thing to do is the wrong thing in this world and if that's the case, people like that can never win. So to the masses that read, all I can say is just stick to your morals and your integrity (providing of course that you have some) and know what to do in times like this, cuz God knows that I thought I did the right thing, but it turns out, I was completely utterly wrong, just like I always am. So with that said, until next time, (if there is a next time) Au Revoir...
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