Dear Kobe

It was him that penned "Dear Basketball" as a thank you for all that basketball has done for him. All that it's given him. I want to follow in his footsteps and write my own thank you right now.



Dear Kobe,


January 26, 2020 is a day that the world will never forget. We'll all be able to recount what we were doing the moment the news broke. Kobe Bryant, the cold hearted, vicious assassin that put the knife into the heart of every opponent and opposing fan over his legendary 20 year career had been killed in a helicopter crash earlier that morning. What makes it even worse that it was you was the fact that Gianna was with you and the other families on board and you all were headed to your academy for a practice session. That shit broke the hearts of billions around the world. Especially my heart, Kobe. I would have NEVER imagined that it would have been you to be the one to go. Someone could have traveled from the future to tell me that news and I still wouldn't have believed them. It just didn't seem real. It still doesn't feel real. It might be wrong of me to say, but I'm still waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out of the woodwork and say you've all just been Punk'd because that's how much disbelief I'm still in about it. It hurts Kobe. This is gonna hurt for a while.

But this isn't a letter that's a reminder of that sad day. This is me honoring your memory. Your legacy. That which you've taught me. And also that which I've learned from you even in your death. Kobe, I've been watching you since you came out of Lower Merion High School in Philly and you were drafted by the Hornets who immediately traded you to the Lakers (I bet like a muthafucka, they STILL regretting the hell outta that one). I gotta be honest. I hated you at first. Don't get me wrong, I still loved watching the Lakers. Those battles y'all had with the Spurs and those loaded Sacramento teams. Those years were something of beauty to watch. I just didn't like you lol. But, it's like I learned, you absolutely cant hate greatness when you're looking at it. You can only appreciate it. Slowly, but surely, you won me over and now I roast the hell outta myself when I think about how I hated you all those years ago. You are only one of 2 men that have been able to win me over with your greatness, with the other being the Mad QB Titan known as Thanos Brady. The world knows him as Tom Brady. The same Tom Brady you were watching during Super Bowl 52 knowing what he was capable of and hoping that he didn't land that Hail Mary and rip the hearts out of all the Philly fans, including yourself, something which you've done multiple times also.

You taught me how to appreciate greatness. I was able to witness you put on the second greatest (THE greatest if we're asking me) scoring performance of all time. When you dropped 81 on the Toronto Raptors, that game was a thing of beauty. But I know for a fact that the game came so easy to you because of all the work that you put in prior. You were always the hardest worker in the room. No matter who was around, you were determined to outwork them. First one in the Gym and always the last to leave, that kind of work ethic is something that I've instilled in myself. It didn't matter if it was Michael Jordan or LeBron James, you were determined to outwork everyone no matter the cost. That's always been something that I've admired about you, Kobe. You've always been of the mindset that if you want it, go take it. Put in the time. Put in the effort. Put in the work. That easy.

I've admired you because you never let excuses get in the way of getting the work done. You never let an injury get in the way of winning a game unless you absolutely couldn't get back up. I couldn't help but cheer you when you tore your Achilles and came to the free throw line to shoot your 2 shots before walking off the court under your own power to the locker room. It's like you defied pain to try and take you down. You embodied my favorite proverb, "Fall down 7 times, stand up 8." Putting that philosophy with watching how you never let anything stop you because of your drive and your determination, it's something that I couldn't help but try to incorporate into my own life.

Thank you Kobe for what you did for my basketball game. You taught me so much about the intricacies of basketball. How everything is much deeper than just the Xs and Os. How you pulled different pieces from different parts of life and applied them to your own game. You never stopped trying to get better. You were always studying. Always reading. Always grinding. Always in the weight room. Always learning from different greats so you could become the ultimate competitor. Something that I also still strive to be. Something that I want to be remembered for in my own right. Every time I step on the court, all I try to do is embody that which you were. There are no friends on the court once the game starts. Everybody becomes an enemy. I'm trying to drive the stake through the hearts of every opponent I'm playing against. I'm trying to have the same Mamba Mentality that I've seen you use so many time on AND off the court. Every time I stepped on the court, I wanted to embody the very essence that was you, the Black Mamba.

Kobe, you've done wonders and made me watch in awe as you did amazing things. But, Kobe, it's who you were off the court that made me admire you the most. Sure, everybody likes to turn back to what happened in Colorado. Granted, yes, that was a low point for you and your family. You were in danger of losing them. Once you beat the case, you understood what was most important. That your family was standing by your side on the other side of it. You never lost sight of that once the dust settled and ever since then, you've been the most exemplary husband, but most importantly, you were one hell of an inspiration for being a dad, a girl dad. You loved your girls and said you would have 5 more if you could. We all saw how beautiful Natalia was becoming when she was born into the beautiful young lady she has become now. We all saw how beautiful Gianna was becoming, wanting to follow in your footsteps and carry on the legend and the legacy of what it meant to be the offspring of Kobe Bryant. Bianka and Capri are so adorable as they are growing up, and you loved every single second of it. There wasn't a time where you weren't ready to talk about how great it is to be a father and how amazing it is to be a girl dad. I want to be the kind of father that you were. I want to be all about my kids and support them no matter what it is they chose to do. I would embrace being a girl dad. As you so eloquently put it, "girls are the best!"

Kobe, I've been crying off and on this week. I've been trying to process all of this. I've tried to accept it. I cant. I don't know if I'll be able to right now. It just doesn't seem real. It's like I'm in a dream world and I'm just waiting to wake up because I just feel that this is a dream. Kobe, you've touched a lot of souls all over the world. But the way that you affected my life is something I don't think that I could find the appropriate ways to say thank you for. You've never met me or knew that I existed, but I can say that I grew up with you and that you've have had an extremely profound effect on my life. Thank you, my mentor, for everything that you instilled in me. You gave me the blueprint. I just hope that I can make you proud.

Dear Kobe Bryant, thank you. I love you. I'll miss you. Watch over your daughters and Vanessa. They're hurting without you and Gianna. It sucks that we'll never get to see Gigi terrorize the WNBA like you terrorized the NBA, but the comforting thing is, even in death, Gigi knew that her dad was protecting her no matter what. Your final act was holding your daughter in your arms to protect her at all costs, even though you knew you both would perish. That's what a dad should do. Protect until the very end.

Thank you Kobe. I hope to finally meet you on the other side...#MambaForever #MambacitaForever

The Dragon Chronicles Book 2, Ch.10: Walk the Sky

Here we are, at the end of Book 2. This has been one hell of an installment into the Dragon Chronicles. It was basically a giant love letter to the woman that I'm in love with. It's been some rough times in some of the entries, but generally, this installment has more or less been dedicated to her. So, Shay, I hope that you'll forgive me if I take the last entry of Book 2 for myself and just type out a lot of things that are just weighing on me that's kinda hard for me to get out into words.

The last couple of weeks have been a little bit trying for me. It's been hard to explain, but I've just had an uneasiness about me. Like something is about to happen to me or like something is about to be revealed to me and it's about to send me over the edge. Normally, I would be able to rationalize and come up with a logical explanation as to what I was feeling and why I was feeling it. But, over these last couple of weeks, I've been feeling this with my gut instinct and it's been hella hard for me to ignore, no matter how hard I've tried to. I don't know if it has something to do with some part of my professional life or if it has something to do with my personal life. Lord knows I don't need nothing else crazy happening in my personal life. It's been going swell, and my professional life has also started to thrive and pass out its blessings also, so I can definitely say that I'm in a good place, maybe not the most perfect of places, but EASILY a good place. So why in the entire blue fuck can I not shake this damn feeling?! What the hell is it that's got me feeling so uneasy? So unsure? So anxious? So worried? SO GAWDDAMN DOWN ON MYSELF?!?! I can't make heads or tails of this.

At one point, I was thinking that Shay was cheating on me and that she was just preparing to leave me once her and her new love interest were more solidified. Maybe I thought that because I thought she was being weird and that the small quirks that I noticed about her at first, she wasn't doing anymore. Or that she wouldn't respond to certain things that I would say that I know for a fact, she would have let off a rebuttal quip in the beginning. I've always known that I'm a keen observer and that I notice the very little things that most people aren't really looking for at first. So when I see something or someone doing or not doing something and I know that it was something that they were doing before and then suddenly stopped doing, it makes me question the reason why they would suddenly stop doing it and for what reason. Hell, maybe the biggest reason for all of this is because I'm still trying to get a handle on her sense of humor and who she is as a person and for the first time in my life, I truly feel like I'm actually failing in that regard.

In times like these, this is where I turn to Alter Bridge. I swear it seems like they have a damn song for almost ANYTHING that I'm feeling at the moment. As I'm writing this right now, I'm listening to their song called "Walking on the Sky." I can definitely say that it feels like I'm walking through one hell of a storm right now and it's been doing nothing but testing me. I can say that it's testing a lot of things that I've experienced in my past and if I'm still scared of them happening or not. Some I can say yes to, some of them I can definitely say, I'm still failing and I need to keep doing the work to push past it (thankfully, this is why I'm in therapy lol.) Sometimes, it does feel like I'm above the world looking down at it, but I'm walking one hell of a tightrope above it all. One slip up and it's game over. I'm falling back into old habits. I'm that much closer to becoming that person that I've fought so hard to overcome. I CAN'T nor WILL I become that person ever again. I just can't. There was some good things about me when I was that cold ass muthafucka all those years ago. I didn't take no shit. Everything was purely logical. There was no need for emotions. Shit got done. The bad side of that was my temper. It was such a quick draw thing, people felt like they were walking on eggshells when trying to talk to me or simply just trying to get my attention. I don't want to be that person anymore. Looking back, I hate that I was like that. I know those feelings still reside in me, but this time, I'm allowing myself to feel. I'm allowing myself to experience happiness and good things, even if I'm not fully used to them yet, but I'm still doing the work and pushing one day at a time to get to where I know I want myself to be.

I know that I wont always succeed. I know that there will be days of failure. I know that there will be days of pain. I know that there will be days that I'm feeling like this. I just know I gotta keep picking myself back up and keep pushing on. I gotta keep pushing on through all the negative thoughts. Pushing through all my doubts. Pushing through everything that is telling me that it's not worth it and that I should give up right now. Because I do know the feeling of accomplishment. The feeling of finally conquering an obstacle. Silencing every doubter that said that you couldn't do it. It's just as freeing as walking on the sky...