Hotel California

I never saw it coming. I didn't think this was a thing that could possibly happen. It was completely left field and, to be totally honest, I'm glad it happened. You never know what could be the end result once the dust settles on a situation that's exploded. It could be something incredibly horrible. It could also be something completely amazing. I never thought something like this would happen to me, but I gotta say, like I always do in a time like this, "What fortuitous fate be this!" The timing was almost eerie, but it later became a blessing in disguise.

First, some background. I've known Kitty Kat for a few months. We had been talking back and forth over the course of a couple of months, getting to know each other and we ended up becoming pretty close. We came from similar upbringings and we had similar interests in the things we like to do. We've hung out a couple of times and it feels like that we've known each other forever. Like we've met in a past lifetime. We hung out by the lakefront and just talked. It was amazing how forthcoming and how transparent she was. How knowledgeable she was. All we would do is sit there and marvel at how beautiful the skyline was and how beautiful this planet was as a whole. It was always an amazing time. 

Fast forward to last Sunday. The reason was revealed to me why Redd's feelings changed. Why her demeanor toward me changed. Why she was so talkative, wanting, and needing of me from my birthday for an entire week until the beginning of the next and how she just did a complete 180 and started treated me the same way she's accustomed to. When I found out why she was doing it and that she was turning to saying fuck me all over again and enjoying herself, I won't lie, I completely lost my shit lol. It was bad at the moment, and it was something that filled me with so much rage, anger, and hurt. I genuinely wanted to break everything that was in my general line of sight and if that included people, I didn't care. I was that hurt. I was tired of being angry, tired of being played again. Tired of that fucking shit man!!

So, imagine the surprise I felt, when I looked at my phone and got a text from Kitty Kat. She asked me how I was doing and what was I doing. The mood I was in I couldn't hold back, and I told her everything. Probably should have been a bit calmer about it, but I couldn't contain myself. I unleashed! I've never experienced such rage come out of me while talking before and I have gone OFF before! Kitty Kat didn't mind though. She was incredibly patient, incredibly kind, and totally understanding of my mindset and just let me vent. The thing that did surprise me about the conversation though is when she told me that she was here in the city and that she wanted to see me. Also, because, and I'm quoting her here, she "didn't want me to be alone."

I agreed and I stormed out of the house. She wanted to meet me at the lakefront, as we did those couple of times before especially since it was so nice out all day. As I was on my way there, all I could think about was my hurt and anger and how I wanted to bash both of their faces in. She had something else on hers, but I would learn what that was much later. We both arrived, her a little bit after I did, and she quickly jumped out of her car to embrace me. I couldn't remember the last time that I was hugged so tightly and with so much love and tenderness. But as we embraced, I forgot about what I was so mad about and all I was able to do was focus on her. It was crazy that all of that fire. All of that rage that I had was just gone. Like a raging fire was just put out. She was able to get me to laugh and open up and it was like we just picked up where we left off. After hours of just talking and shared laughs, she asked what I was gonna do for the rest of the night. I told her that I wasn't gonna do nothing except for take a nap so I could get up and go riding around the city like I usually do every Sunday night. She had a different plan and asked me if I would come back to her hotel room to hang out and for her to "supposedly" beat me in Madden (yeah fucking right lol). I took her up on her challenge and decided to make the drive back to her hotel room. She told me to also go get an overnight bag. I didn't think too much of it in that moment, but THAT'S where things took the turn that they did. 

When we arrived back at her hotel around 11 that night. As I walked in, I first recognized that it was a nice damn room. Then again, Kitty Kat is definitely one to indulge in luxury, so I wasn't surprised lol. So as we began to unwind and I got ready to hurt her damn feelings on this game, she gets up to tell me that she'll be right back and she's gonna go take a shower. As she was in the shower, I was chilling and just looking out the window when it hit me, "Is she thinking what I think she is? NAH, she couldn't be. As many times as she hit me with the friend title, is THAT what she really wants?" She came out of the shower, smelling AMAZING!! It literally made me melt with how good she smelled. The black silk robe she had on just made her look that much more tantalizing. I picked up on the vibe that was in the room, and I decided to hop in the shower myself because it seems like things were gonna go in that direction (and because I like smelling good too lol). I emerged from the bathroom, not smelling too bad my damn self (shout out to Bath and Body Works Noir body wash and lotion). She decided to embrace me again with a hug and this time, she wouldn't let me go. I noticed that she wouldn't stop smelling me and I'm like, "What are you doing? lol" she said she couldn't help it and I just smelled so good (low key I was doing the same, but she ain't had to know all that lol). 

As we go to sit down and actually start playing, she goes to sit on my lap as we are waiting on the loading screen to get started. I can't lie, a gorgeous woman sitting on your lap with nothing but a robe on is more than enough to get a man on the rise, if you know what I mean. As we're playing, she's doing noticeable women unfairness. You know, grinding on you, twerking in front of you, kissing your forehead, that stuff. At the start of the second quarter, that she was losing by the way, she paused the game. Puzzled, I asked what was going on. She turned to me and just stared for a second. We looked at each other for a minute or two, and then without warning, she proceeded to give me the deepest, most passionate kiss I've had in a long time. Our hands traveled everywhere all over our bodies as we shared our deep kiss with the intensity ramping up even more. She stopped for a moment and looked me dead in my eyes. She told me that she has been wanting this since she's met me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was HIGHLY thrilled by it, but I couldn't believe it. We kissed deeply again, not breaking for a second, even as I flipped her over onto her back. I lowered my kisses down her neck, slowly teasing her and raising her anticipation for my next move. I raised back up to kiss her deeply as I slowly undid her robe, revealing her amazing body. My kisses slowly traveled down, deliberately taking my time, exploring every single inch of this woman. While caressing her body all over, I began to kiss and lick gently around her right breast while using one hand to caress her left breast and the other to feel how wet she was getting with all that was happening in the moment. Needless to say, Niagara Falls ain't got shit on this woman, but I digress. 

After pleasuring her right breast and nipple, I turned my attention (and my tongue) to the left one while switching hands from her left to her right breast and my other free one raising back up to her mouth to let her taste herself off my fingers. After sucking herself dry off of my fingers, I slid my hand back down, rubbing her ever growing and throbbing clit. Seeing her grind all over my fingers and hearing her incredibly sexy moan was turning me on even more and I just couldn't wait to have her. BUT, before that, I NEEDED to have a taste of her. I NEEDED to. I had to. I craved it so damn bad. I took my tongue off of her nipple and directed my kisses down her chest, down her stomach, making sure that I also kiss her sides as well. I told you I had to explore this woman lol. As I got down and was ready to open her legs to drown in what has now become an ocean down there, I looked back up at her and the look I was greeted with was one of sheer pleasure, bliss, and anticipation. I opened her legs and slowly kissed up and down her left thigh, looking at her bite her lips. I licked, kissed, lightly sucked, and even gently bit my way back up to her pussy, preparing to get my taste, BUT just to deny her for a little longer, I prepared to do the same to her right thigh that I did to her left. Kitty Kat's kitty kat couldn't take anymore and she literally grab my head and shoved it right into her pussy. I died laughing at her aggressiveness and she couldn't help but burst out in laughter also. After laughing about that moment for a couple minutes, her face turned from laughter back to passion, as did mine.

She caressed my face as I lowered my head and got the chance to finally got to taste her sweet cream. I licked along her pussy lips, listening to her let out soft, sweet moans as I was getting closer and closer to wrapping my tongue around her clit. As the moment we both were waiting for was ever so close, I stopped. When I tell you this woman legit gave me the look of death. If looks could kill, I would have died the moment I stopped because she was instantly looking at me. She was clearly in heat and she fumed at me while asking why did I stop? I told her it was way too bright in the room and I wanted to dim the lights for better ambiance. Once she realized that, she agreed and once I dimmed the lights, the difference was both hella noticeable and looked as though that shit turned her on x10 because there she was, rubbing her pussy and asking me to come eat her pussy. I got back on my knees and I decided that I wouldn't torture her any longer. 

I kissed and licked my way back up her pussy, slowly sticking my tongue in her pussy and gently fucking her with it while my thumb gently caressed her swollen clit. Those sweet, soft, and gentle moans soon became ever increasing, louder, and stronger. I finally got to her wanting and patiently waiting clit. I slowly began wrapping my tongue around her awaiting pearl, gently kissing and sucking on it. She let out the loudest moan as she was finally satisfied and happy that the anticipation was over, and she could enjoy the glorious bliss that she was long waiting for. As I began to pick up the intensity with how I was enjoying the meal in front of me, I began to realize I wasn't focused on her anymore. I was eating her pussy for my pleasure. Hearing her moans were simply the part of the enjoyment I had, but I was more focused on claiming my reward from her in the form of her orgasm. Her moans becoming more frequent, more closely together, and much more intense only let me further know what her body was already screaming out to me. She was getting close to one hell of an orgasm. Me, understanding this, kept up the intensity and I repositioned myself on the bed, not for one second taking my tongue off her clit. I slid my fingers inside of her and told her to "come here" IYKYK, *wink. * She tried as long as she could to hold back her eruption, but she couldn't no longer. She gushed and came all over my face and completely soaked the lower half of the bed.

I still wouldn't let up and I kept sucking and fingering her sweet tasting pussy. All she could do was continue moaning and cumming while trying to push me off of her. After cumming for her final time, she finally used what strength she had to push me off her and collapse on the bed. I came up wiping my face, devouring every drop of her cum. She tasted crazy good. I went over to her side of the bed just wanting to look at her to see if she was OK. I was greeted with a big smile, a lowkey sexy laugh, a barrage of "fuck yous," and a middle finger lmao. I couldn't help but cry laughing. She swore to me that she would get her revenge once she recovered. I figured she wouldn't be able to move for a minute because she tried to move around, but her legs and body kept betraying her on her way to the bathroom lol. Looking back now, I kind of wish I didn't underestimate the brevity of her recovery time with so much bravado. She came out of the bathroom like a demon on a warpath. She jumped on me with such fervor that I didn't know how to react for a split second. She looked me in the eye and told me that usually she would have tried to take my soul. But because I did what I did to her, she had to have me, and she had to make me "pay." I'll say this, I kind of wished she would have sucked my dick longer because it was amazing, but she did end up paying me back that gift later on that night, but that's a entry for another time. 

She climbed on top of me, and we shared another passionate, intense kiss. As we kissed deeply, she slowly slid me in her. Gasping at me sliding in her inch by inch, she let out soft moans into my mouth as we kissed, and she was being filled up. Once she took me all in, she let out a loud moan and threw her head back in pure ecstasy. She began building her rhythm as she started grinding and rolling her hips. Just the look of it was a pleasure only bested by how amazing she felt. She was so wet. So tight. She was able to constrict and loosen her walls at will and it drove me CRAZY. It threw me into the throngs of heavenly euphoria. It was something that I haven't felt in years. The only other woman who was able to make me feel like this is, ironically, the same one who caused this meeting on the pleasure astral plane between Kitty Kat and myself in the first place, but again, I digress. I got to give this woman credit. She...is...TALENTED! I couldn't believe what was happening to me. I was losing my fucking mind at how amazing this woman felt. I felt myself getting close and I wasn't about to give this lady the satisfaction of revenge! I quickly grabbed her and picked her up to press her up against the wall. I began stroking the hell out of her bomb ass pussy while she moaned in my ear. I felt her dripping down my leg as she started cumming all over again. From that point on, we were all over the room. The bed. The bathroom. The sitting room. The couch. The window in a move I like to dub the "Nightcrawler." (hey Katt Williams said have your own signature move AND a dismount so, that's mine dammit lol)

We get back to the bed and after all that energy expelled (and multiple orgasms from each of us), we both collapse. She looks over at me with the biggest, most cutest smile on her face. I couldn't help but kiss her again. We shared a tender kiss as she begins to move closer to me. She wrapped her legs around me as we kept indulging in our kiss. I slid myself back into pure euphoria once more. Once again, her wetness amazed me. I kinda almost understand why Paris took Helen and started the Trojan War (keyword here: almost). I could do nothing but stare her as I slow stroked her pussy, watching her, in throws of ecstasy, cream me something crazy and begin squirting all over my dick. While in the midst of another orgasm, she opened her green eyes and stared deep into mine. It was a surreal, serene, yet ridiculously fucking hot moment experienced between the 2 of us. She kissed me deep and wrapped her legs tighter around me and began begging for my cum. She looked me deep in my eyes and told me she needed it. She had to have it. She wanted it. She craved it. She wanted her reward. She didn't care where I came, she just wanted her reward. She pulled me close into her and started kissing my neck and whispering in my ear how much she wanted me to cum. How bad she wanted me to cum. All of this shit is ASTRONOMICALLY sexy and I couldn't hold out for very much longer. As I got closer to cumming, she had one more orgasm, creaming and squirting all over my dick and on me. I came as hard as I could all over her stomach that I was pretty sure that was the rest of my life essence and I was dead lol. 

We collapsed on the bed for a little bit and then turned and looked at each other. We had no idea that this was gonna happen, let alone the intensity of the moment. She ended up falling asleep in my arms and I drifted off slowly after that. I didn't think that a day that started off the way that it did would end up turning into the night that it became. I didn't think that Kitty Kat was into me like that. Clearly this night proved me wrong. I wont say that I know what's gonna happen between me and her, but like I do with most things in my life, I let them all play out to their inevitable conclusions, with a bit of choice direction here and there. Kitty Kat was already a bomb ass friend. This feels like the start of something more. There's a new dawn on the horizon. I, for one, cant wait to see what it brings...

My Last Goodbye

What's up, Blogger? It's been a while. I didn't mean for it to be this long of an absence. I'll definitely do a better job of getting back on here more consistently. Well, for me, I've celebrated another day of birth back in April, (happy birthday to me), I've gotten another push at work, and I've pretty much become a better, more happier person than I used to be. I also ran into a woman, who's has probably become a staple on this blog also, lol. Yeah, I ran back into Redd again. She wished me happy birthday and we got to talking again, and once again, I thought that there was a feeling. An inkling. Some kind of hope against hope that she has finally come to her senses and she's gonna choose me once and for all and we can finally be together and be happy together. Well, because I'm writing this entry, that obviously didn't happen. I'll be lying to myself, if I said that I wasn't hurt. I'll be lying if I said that I didn't feel disappointment and sadness. I'll be lying if I said that I didn't feel anything at all this time.

The thing that was different this time was a feeling of being tired. A feeling of being fed up. Feelings of being exhausted of riding the same ride, going through the same motions, and hearing the same things over and over about how it's different this time and how much better it's gonna be, and how I'll make sure it will never happen again. Some have said that 10 years is WAYYY too long of a time to be dealing with something like this and, quite frankly, those people are right. I should have never invested all of me into a person who has known that she either couldn't have or just simply wouldn't want to give me back everything that I poured into her. I wanna be angry. I wanna be more hurt than I am. I want to be pissed off. I wanna shout and scream and cuss and yell. I wanna do all those things because they would show that I still love her and that I still care immensely for her. It would show that I STILL WANT YOU!! It would show that I would fight for you until the end of time.

Interestingly enough, those feelings have not changed. I still love you immensely. I still care wholeheartedly. I will still fight for you until the end of time. I still care about your well being and that your kids are taken care of and if I could help in any kind of way, I still will. The thing that's different now is that I'm tired. I'm tired of not being wanted by you. I'm tired of being caught up in your words. I'm tired of this game that you play. I'm tired of being your play thing and someone that you can disregard when you KNOW my feelings for you and that I would stop at nothing to make sure that you're good, safe, and cared for. That shit isn't fair to me. It's selfish as fuck and you know that as well.

I've given up a lot of people for you. Women that wanted me and gave more of a damn about me in a week than you have in 10 years. Women who have seen the best in me. Women who have wanted the best for me. I know and I completely understand the things you've been through in your life. I completely understand the males who have also ruined parts of you that's influenced your thought processes sometimes also. It's fucked up. It's horrible and I get it. But at some point, accountability has to be a thing and you have to take responsibility to change some of the things in you. To see some of the patterns that have happened in your life, so you can see when an "ain't shit" dude is showing some of the same patterns that those that have hurt you have shown to make a better decision. I don't call myself a good man because I know that I have asshole tendencies and I know that I could end up hurting someone without that being my intention. For all of my bad tendencies and ability to be an asshole, the one thing that no one can argue is the fact that I have a good heart and nobody can ever say that I was never there for them in their hour of need when they called upon me. No matter who or what it was. Not even you.

You told me that you would always run from me because you weren't use to good men in your life. I used to think that was a bunch of horse shit and that that was just another lie for you to tell me for me to have sympathy for you in the hopes that it would keep me around you longer. Well I think it's still bullshit, but I do know now that it was based in some truth based off what you told me. But I know some reasons that you never did tell me. I know it's because nobody could call you out on your shit because you are used to calling others out on theirs because of their guilt. You've always hated when I told you the truth and been brutally honest with you. It's the only way I know how to be with you and, should something change in the future, that still wont change. It's the only way to get you to see where you're wrong and where you need to correct things to help yourself become the best person that you can be. My intention was never to hurt you or belittle you, but always to help you grow as a person and to find yourself. Something you've needed for a while.

Like I said, I'm hurt, sad, and disappointed. But it's not my usual feelings when it comes to you. I've been angry that I've let you walk all over me and that I've let you take me for granted and for that, I stand on my own 2 and say that's on me. I should have never allowed that kind of behavior to take place the way that it did and for as long as it did. I should have never allowed anyone to toy with me the way that I let you. I wanna hate you forever. I want to wish that I never met you. I want to say you're such a horrible person for everything that you've done to me. I can't and I wont. Why? It's very simple and it's something that's been repeated on here, to anyone that would have listened to me, and especially to you. Simply put. I love you. But that's where that needs to stop. I'll love you forever. That's something that will never change with me, even after I take my last breath. But I cant keep doing this to myself. I don't deserve it and you cant just keep coming into my life when you feel like it, when you're feeling bored, or if you see me too happy and want to change that.

I cant keep letting you do these things to me. I've been mulling over doing this for a while now because I don't think you will truly understand my impact in your life if I'm always around or you can always run back to me whenever you want and I keep letting you. I would have never pegged you for a liar, but that's also because people never gave you the credit you deserve. In this regard, neither did I. If there was someone that you never had to lie to, I would have hoped that I would have been that person because I've never given you a reason to lie to me or a reason to hold things from me. I'm a big boy. If you had something to say, say it freely. Yes, my feelings could probably be hurt, but I know how to suck that shit up and keep it moving. You've been a key catalyst in me learning that ability, so I would have been fine. If there's someone you've been interested in or someone you wanted to fuck or did, who the hell was I? I wasn't your man. I'm still not. You were and are free to do whatever you want. If you couldn't give me the love and affection that I wanted, the least you could have done was just simply be a friend.

The thing that hurts me most of all about this is I have to lose a friend. Someone who has known me for a long time. Someone who I confided in. Someone who knows about my past and never once saw me as an horrible person for the things I've done. It hurts that I have to lose a person that has such a huge part of my heart and will always occupy that part forever. I never would have thought that this would be the road that we ended up down. It has to be done though because I cant keep letting you do what you do to me and I'm the only one who has to pay the consequences of it.

This is my last goodbye. My last breath on a candle that's been running out of wax every time you kept reigniting it. Maybe in a different lifetime or alternate universe we're together and happy. Maybe we tried and broke up and never spoke again. Maybe we tried, and decided that it truly was better to just stay friends. Maybe we don't even know each other in that alternate universe. All I know is that in this one, this is what happened between us. It's a tragic end to what looked to be a promising story. I know that it wont affect you and I've already become an afterthought in your mind and in your life, but in mine, it's a tragic fall for a woman I held in such high regard. Maybe I shouldn't have put you on such a high pedestal. Maybe I should have long reciprocated that which you gave me. Either way, the final nail in the coffin has been hammered down and it's now being laid to rest.

I'll mourn our friendship. I know that there will be hard days. I know there will be times that I'm sad. I know there will be times that I will want to talk to you and hear your voice. Those times will be there. But just like those times will be there, there will be times where I can see myself getting better. Where I can see myself becoming stronger. Where I see my energy returning. Where I see myself truly letting go. Maybe in the next lifetime, we can try again and be together. Maybe in some kind of cosmic karma, the universe brings you back to me and you've done a complete 180. You'll truly understand me and understand what I was to you. You'll finally give me the love and affection I've wanted from you. You can truly give to me like I've always given to you. If that day is on the horizon, I'll meet you there and we can try this again. But until that miraculous day, I'm sorry it had to come to this. This is goodbye. For the last time. I love you, Redd. If it's fated so, I'll see you in the next lifetime...