I can definitely say that I'm experiencing that right now. I'm in a state of extreme bliss. I'm feeling feelings that I thought had long sense dissipated and were otherwise destroyed. But the thing about it is that I'm feeling them much more stronger than I've ever felt them in my life. It's thrilling and fun and I've fallen in love all over again. It's clear to see why I feel like I'm in a dream world. For the last 2 years, I've hoped to feel like this, truly knowing what it felt like to be loved all over again. Knowing how it felt to never have to worry about your heart being twisted or corrupted. Just pure unadulterated love. I can definitely say that the last 2 years have been very trying to me. There were times that I completely wanted to just give up. There were times where I wanted to indulge in my suicidal tendencies that led me to be in a mental rehabilitation clinic on for a weekend where I self-nominated myself for suicide watch. There were times I wanted to indulge in the darkness that was my mind and all the twistedness of it.
But 1 fateful Saturday in October changed all of that. An event that was truly unprecedented that wasn't expected or at all foreseen. A mending and reuniting of 2 places that were thought to have grow apart and that all hope was given up on. No matter how much I prayed, no matter how much I pleaded, no matter how much I wanted it to happened, it just didn't. But October 20th, 2012, that all changed. October 20th will always be day of the anniversary of the passing of my little brother, Talon, but now that sad moment has to share time with the momentous occasion of a resurrection that no one except the Lord Almighty saw coming.
I constantly feel like I'm Morpheus from the Matrix. After Neo won the day and the war of the humans against the machines was finally over, just like he, I found myself thinking," This has been a long time coming and I've endured so much and it's finally over. Is this real?" Exactly like that. I find myself dreaming of Zion, sleeping awake. Just wondering is this real? Rarely does anything good happen to me, so for my angel of the night to return, is it 1 hell of a joke or are things really gonna start turning around for me right now? Those questions will be answered as time goes on, but as for right now, I can say this, I don't wanna think about the future or the past, I just wanna embrace the present moment right now and completely enjoy it to the fullest.
To you, my angel of the night, you've not only made me a happy man, but you've also made me complete again. By you freeing yourself, it's also helped me to free up all the darkness that was in me and it's given me a completely new insight on you and on our love for each other. This is definitely a new beginning, a new, raw, refreshed, and exciting beginning. I love you so much and I promise you that I'm gonna be a better man than I was. The mistakes of the past are exactly that. The past. I'm living in our present and looking forward to our beautiful future together with our beautiful children. I love you my beautiful angel, and I hope to never be separated from you again. To you and to our family, babe, our future and our path starts now....
