There are times when you need to just keep fighting or give in
Sometimes to admit defeat or to keep up the fight within
This isn't 1 of those times you see, the dark days have already come
Long does he wish to get to the other side where he can
feel the warmth of the life giving sun
He has fought, fought as hard as he possibly can
He has fought hard and through it all to enter into his promised land
But for every step he takes, it seems to become further and further away
He finds himself thinking like a blackbird, wondering if he will ever find his way
For so long he's held on to the words and promise of a being he could not see
It's so far away and so far from what he thought, he often wonders, could it ever be?
It's a wonder and a miracle that he's still breathing and living in the days of this life
How could it have gone so wrong when the only thing that he wants is his wife?
How could it be so wrong that all he wants to experience is happiness and love?
I thought it was said and told that man wasn't meant to be alone, says the man above
It was He gave the promise. The One who put it in the dragon's heart
He will never understand if they were meant to be together, why keep them apart?
It seems as though his life is going straight to hell around him
It's like everything he tries and does all fail and more problems and situations surround him
So in the darkness of night, lying awake, he finds himself thinking
Feeling the weight of depression fall on him and downward he keeps sinking
Into the darkness, he continues on the path, the line between right and wrong blurring
He finally sees a choice on the horizon that gets old dark feelings stirring
It's fear that's driving him towards the ways of old, anger, pain, and darkness are all he knows
It's that darkness that does help him but not even he realizes how much damage that it shows
As the anger and darkness takes over and begins to take hold, the laughter in his head wont stop
Laughing, laughing, ALL HE HEARS IS THE DAMN LAUGHING, growing until his head finally pops
He wonders if he'll be able find love like he wants, does he even deserve it?
With his past and everyone that's abandoned him, why should he? He doesn't even know it
There's 1 who says that he's the love of her life and she's madly in love with him. Can it be true?
He wants to believe it, he longs to believe it, but he's never been loved, what can he really do?
Into the abyss. Into the pain. Happiness is what he longs for again
Into the blame. Into the shame. 1 last mission has come up and with it
the consequence of possibly being slain
This is all that he has known and possibly will ever know. It's a truly tragic tale
So much hurt, pain, anguish, and anger should not ever been in any human, let alone a male
As he heads out on his final mission, he knows he risks not seeing again the light of day
But an ease to the pain has to happen, this is a honorable death, or so he will say
With 1 final stroke of the clock, the time has come, the hour of truth is at hand.
A numb, dead look on his face, looking out, possibly seeing the last of the living land
With his final words, he says, "God, I'm sorry for everything I've done and sorry
that I've let You down so much. I wish that 1 last time, I could feel my angel's touch."
"Maybe she could have helped me see what I couldn't about me. It's always been unclear
I often wonder how she really thinks of me, how she really feels about me."
Saying this while his heart sheds its final tears. "I've often wondered have I at least done good things
for Your glory, then I realize the answer is no. Look at what I'm about to do now, how could I if I say I love You so?"
"God, it's with a heavy heart that I give You these final words. I'm sorry that I was so weak. I'm sorry that I've disappointed You and my angel so much." Saying this while tears stroll down his cheek
It was hard for me to live for You, but I did try and I couldn't succeed. But I thank You for giving me
my angel of the night, that woman truly meant and will always mean the world to me."
"I've given all that I have, I don't think that I have too much more left to give. But I do make You this promise,
if I make it through this, the love you've given me, I'll give to my angel and she'll truly be loved, as long as we both shall live."
"If I don't make it through this, God, keep Your hand on my angel's life. I want her happy with whoever she chooses to be with, she's truly a blessing on earth and to ANY man on this planet, she'll make a fine wife. I want to be her husband, I do with all my heart, but God, I just wanna be with her permanently, I cant fathom anymore this time apart."
"If I live through this, I'll do right by You and her this time. I've messed up so many, I cant or don't want to fail. I don't know if she would come to my funeral, but the last place I want her to see me is there or in jail. Here I go, Lord, please watch over me. Please keep me safe, Lord because I wanna be able to hold my king, Christian and my precious, Lilli. Time's up, it's time to go, down this route I go again. I'll end it here by saying in Your precious, glorious name I do pray, and I end it with Amen."
As he climbs to the roof and begins to take off running, he feels the drenching rain
on him as he looks up and takes 1 last look at the sky.
He hopes that he's made his God and his angel happy somewhere in the past or present
because he has just realized, he's running toward his demise...
