The past. 2 words that can strike fear into anyone's heart. Regardless of what they say or what they do, we've ALL make mistakes in it that we wish we could have another chance and do it the right way. My past. Something that Im CONSTANTLY at war with. The shock waves of the shit that's happened in my past still reverberate to my present and maybe even my future. It just seems as though NOTHING will ever change.
In my relationships, it seems as though EVERY girl got something or, hell, even someone that they hiding from me. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! THE FUCK IS THE PURPOSE OF ANY OTHER NIGGA COMING INTO THE RELATIONSHIP FOR?!I KNOW...KNOW...KNOW I'm a good 1. There's no woman on the face of this PLANET that can say that I've ever treated them like shit or that I was an abuser or that they didnt mean absolutely nothing to me. Every woman I've been with, including the fiancee now, will say that I'm as loyal as they come, when I love, I love hard. I'm romantic, I genuinely care about them and what's going on in their lives that I can help change, and in some instances, WILLINGLY given up going to work, going on trips, kicking with my potnas, playing football or basketball, just to spend time with them. Be there when they're lonely. Take care of them when they're sick. Or just simply say how much I care and that my loyalty runs deep. What's the excuse of the fuck up? "Oh I'm not used to anything like this..." OR..."You just too good to be true, I'm just waiting on you to mess up." That's the 1 that's been said as of late...OH! let's not forget my fuckin favorite, "I love you too much and I know that you're gonna break my heart, so I'm ending this before you hurt me." KINDA BULLSHIT IS THAT?! and after that, you know the 1 thing they ALL have in common? They ALL come running back to me because they either realized how much they hurt me. They realized that I was a good thing and they were the 1s who fucked that shit up and wanna come back, but I've already moved on, and wanna try to convince me of giving it another chance. Or simply...the next dude or dudes they moved on to after me? TREATED THEM LIKE PURE DOG SHIT and they realize that no man can ever treat them as good as me.
Beefs? HA! THAT'S ANOTHER FUCKIN THING. A 9 year beef changed my life forever. It's taught me that life is WAY too short, all talk is cheap without action, and that you should never trust anybody until they give you a reason to trust them. 5 of the greatest people that I've ever known are gone now and it's all because of a woman. Sounds fuckin sad and pathetic, huh? But it's the fucking truth. And from that point when it started to this moment as I'm typing this blog, something is always clear. It's 6, almost, 7 billion people on this fuckin planet and it's roughly half men and half women...HOW THE FUCK IS IT NOT FUCKIN POSSIBLE TO FIND A FUCKIN WOMAN WHO ACTUALLY WANTS YOU INSTEAD OF KILLING YOUR "BEST FRIEND'S" COUSIN SO YOU CAN GET AT HIS GIRL?! WHAT KIND OF FUCKIN SHIT IS THAT. and as a side note, it's the same thing with these bitch ass niggas of today...ya'll puss ass niggas THAT DAMN THIRSTY that ya'll gotta try to fuck EVERYTHING that walks and have a pussy?! ALL CUZ YOU AINT GOT NONE IN A WHILE?!?! that's fuckin pathetic. All the women on the fuckin planet and you gotta fuck with 1s that are in relationships and that dont want yo puss ass...and if by some chance you do get her...ya'll relationship is already doomed because it's called 1 thing...KARMA BITCH!!! But back to the topic at hand, You think you know a muthafucka and they get close to you, and you think everything is fine...all the while, they are fuckin finding a way to fucking do you dirty...fuckin sad.
At the end of all this, I dont know who the hell I am anymore. I dont kno what it is that I stand for or what I should. Everything I know has been nothing but a lie to me. I can say that I'm still standing here asking...Is it what I feel? or is it what's real? There a few things that I'm HOPING isnt real, but just what I'm feeling at the moment because of this month and the memories that it carries with it. I just wanna find myself and just be me. Simple as plain. Im ghost man...be easy
